


From Afar

by OutLookingforAstronauts



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Anxiety, BB is a petty little pastry, BB is still an awkward little babs, Blood, Explicit Language, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluffy Smut, Frottage, Jealousy, Kinda, Light BDSM, Lumberjack BB, M/M, Masterbation, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Mentions of Rape, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rimming, Sexual Frustration, Shibari, Slurs, Stalking, Teasing, Threesome - F/F/M, Torture, Violence, Voyeurism, mentions of torture, mgsv spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutLookingforAstronauts/pseuds/OutLookingforAstronauts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during TPP era onwards with flashbacks to PW. After waking up from his coma and learning about Cipher's plan with Venom Snake, Big Boss routinely disguises himself and sneaks back to Diamond Dogs in secret to see his former partner and lover Kazhuira Miller and keep a watch over him as the events of MGSV unfold.</p>
<p>On doing this he has to grapple with seeing the changes in Kaz after his torture in Afghanistan, not being able to contact him directly without giving away his secret, and, of course, watching Kaz grow closer and closer to Venom Snake, the man who Kaz thinks he is in love with...</p>
<p>Based on this headcannon: http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/post/139872266922/sad-tpp-bbkaz-headcannon</p>
<p>*** NOW WITH ADDED ARTWORK IN CHAPTER 1 AND 11***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Costa Rica

The amber haze of the setting sun streams in through the cracks in the blinds of Kaz’s window. The air is heavy with evening heat. It lies still around the two men. Kaz sinks onto the bed under his commander. He smiles.

Snake is straddling the younger man. He runs his eye slowly over the body beneath him. Pressing his weight gently into Kaz’s hips, he traces Kaz’s graceful figure. Strong forearms showcased perfectly by the rolled up sleeves of his olive green shirt; broad shoulders pressed delicately into the mattress beneath him; neck long and elegant, framed perfectly by his yellow scarf. Snake draws a fingernail along Kaz’s Adam’s apple. Kaz swallows.

Snake turns his attention to Kaz’s face, which is tinted with a growing blush under Snake’s penetrating gaze. Snake’s wide lips curl up in the beginnings of a mischievous smile. 

‘Boss,’ Kaz moans softly beneath him. Snake’s smile broadens. ‘Boss, what is it?’

Snake lets out a small chuckle as, leaning on his elbows, he brings his hands to Kaz’s face. He runs a gentle thumb over the high arch of Kaz’s cheekbones and down the sharp lines of his jaw. He rests his forefinger over Kaz’s mouth, caressing and tugging at his lip. Kaz bites his finger gently. Seeing that Kaz is relatively at ease, Snake slowly works his hand upwards, pulling lightly at the blonde curls splayed on the pillow. He begins to nudge the sides of Kaz’s glasses up over his ear and he sees Kaz’s contended expression tighten to a frown.

‘Boss, don’t,’ Kaz protests, half laughing and bringing up his hand to stop the older man. Their hands push against each other, intertwining as Snake tries to remove his subcommander’s beloved aviators. Kaz soon relents. Either he lets Snake take his glasses or the glasses will snap under Snake’s grip. Instead, Kaz brings his forearm up to cover his eyes and lets out a small embarrassed laugh.

‘Cut it out, Snake.’ He laughs nervously. He shields his eyes.

Snake grins playfully, bringing an arm up to grab Kaz’s wrists and pinning his arms down. Kaz once again tries to resist the older man’s strength, jostling his arms and refusing to move them away from his eyes. Without much difficulty on Snake’s part, Kaz’s eyes lose their cover. He scrunches his eyes shut.

‘Boss, no.’

‘Look at me.’ Snake presses his weight into his subcommander. Kaz turns his head, his eyes wrinkled shut.

‘Snake, stop it,’ Kaz replies, ‘please, I-I‘. He stutters to a silence.

‘Look at me.’ 

Kaz frowns. He inhales deeply and his eyes soften at the sides. Relaxing his face, his eyes flutter open. He is met by a clear, frozen stare from Snake. Kaz’s eyes dart downwards and to the sides to avoid Snake’s glare. Snake brings a hand to Kaz’s jaw and tilts his head forward, staring directly into the oceans of Kaz’s unguarded eyes.  


Kaz’s heart races. He sighs. 

‘Kaz,’ Snake whispers softly. His breath ghosts Kaz’s neck, its warmth coiling over his skin like smoke. Snake’s gaze hypnotises the younger man; all traces of fear in his eyes melt away at the distant sound of Snake calling his name. Snake brings his forehead down and leans it on Kaz’s head. Kaz is transfixed.

‘Snake,’Kaz whimpers in reply. 

The world hazes around them and their eyes flicker shut. Snake runs a large hand over Kaz’s chest, collarbone, shoulder, to the nape of his neck. Kaz sinks into his lover’s touch. 

And they kiss and they kiss and they kiss and they kiss.

[](http://s1377.photobucket.com/user/DrinkingPinkRabbits/media/kazuhiradarling_zpswsnq6x1q.jpg.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry this chapter's a bit 'set up'/plotless atm. Promise more actual stuff happens in the later chapters.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, please let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr etc.
> 
> Feel free to say hello on tumblr: http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com
> 
> ****UPDATE****
> 
> Now with added fanart by the wonderful Kazuhiradarling from tumblr. I've added a link into their original post below. You should totally check out their work, I'm such a huge fan of their art and I am beyond thrilled that they drew this for me.
> 
> <http://kazuhiradarling.tumblr.com/post/142422750423/from-cryingoverkazs-fic-from-afar-this-part-was>


	2. PART 1: At the Medical Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Boss sneaks into Kaz's hospital room while Kaz is under sedation after just having been rescued from his torturers in Afghanistan.
> 
> He is excited to see his lover after 9 years apart, but is in for a surprise when he finally sees Kaz.

####  PART I 

‘Boss, I don’t think that will be necessary.’ The soft sound of Snake’s laughter rumbled down the phone gently.

‘Ocelot, I’ll be there anyway. What harm will a little visit do?’

‘He’s still in the med bay. He only got back yesterday, he’s still-‘ Ocelot’s voice trailed off.

‘Still what?’ A pause settled between them. Snake’s voice was low, authoritative and threatening.

‘He needs rest,’ continued Ocelot. ‘Desperately. And he’s been stubborn about it this whole time. They’ve got him under sedation. He wants to get back to work straight away. He’s already been trying to compile more mission lists for your phantom, V.’ Snake’s lips widened to a soft smile at hearing that. Typical, he thought.

‘They’re trying to keep him sedated for a while until. He’s needs to rest, whether he likes it or not.’

‘Good, he won’t know I’m there,’ interrupted Snake bluntly. It was more than evident to Ocelot that this was not a discussion that was worth having.

Ocelot let out a lengthy, frustrated sigh. ‘You’ve made up your mind already, haven’t you?’ he drawled. Snake let out another small chuckle.

‘I’m right outside your door.’ 

Ocelot rolled his eyes and put the phone down, making his way over to the door. 

‘How did you even get the technology for that?’ asked Ocelot, inviting Snake into his office. Snake smiled broadly, raising his eyebrows but remained knowingly silent. After spending some time discussing business with Outer Heaven, it became apparent that Snake was eager to be elsewhere. Ocelot frowned slightly.

‘V is doing well,’ Ocelot noted, spinning a pen absent-mindedly through his fingers. ‘Rescuing Miller was by no means an easy mission.’

‘I had no doubts he’d know what to do,’ replied Snake in a confident drawl. 

‘He seemed very happy to be reunited with his partner.’ Ocelot’s words were heavy and laden. Snake met Ocelot’s gaze and scowled. Taking that as the end of the conversation, and bored of Ocelot’s equivocations, Snake rose from his seat and gathered the Diamond Dogs balaclava that he had stolen to cover his face.

‘Boss,’ called Ocelot from his seat below, this time his voice more sincere. Snake turned to look at Ocelot impatiently. ‘Do you really think this is a good idea?’ There was a pause.

‘It’s been nine years,’ Snake replied sternly. ‘I think I’ve kept him waiting long enough.’

Ocelot’s expression was cold and impenetrable. ‘Just remember that this isn’t about Miller.’ He let out a small, almost imperceptible scoff. 

‘The legendary soldier does not lose his focus.’ Snake shot one last look at Ocelot. He held his head up high, chin tilted with proud authority. He put on his balaclava. 

‘I know.’

***

Kaz had been given a private room at the back of the bay to recover in; in part due to his seniority, in part for fear of his ferocious mood on awakening. After all, they had assumed that Kaz would not take to the forced sedation kindly, however necessary the medics had deemed it.

Snake shut the door behind him and scanned the room. The air was cold and arid. He could see the hospital machinery silhouetted against the pale blue curtain that was currently separating him from his lover. A solitary lamp dangled above the enclosure. Snake treaded slowly towards Kaz’s bed, his steps heavy and weighty with expectation. As he raised his hand to draw back the curtain he noticed that his hand was trembling. He paused. 

No. He thought to himself. Do this right.

Taking a deep breath, he managed to still himself. He pushed himself through the gap and, catching sight finally of Kaz, fought the urge to clamber over to him and gather his lover in his arms. 

The clinical white light pooled around Kaz’s bed. Wrapped up and covered up to his shoulders in a blanket, Kaz was porcelain; pale and eerily serene, fragile as if even the gentlest of Snake’s touches would make him dissolve into the air. Snake watched his broad chest rise and fall from underneath his covers and felt his composure crack. Once more his whole body began to quiver and his lips broke out into an uncontrollable smile. As steadily as he could, he lowered himself onto the chair next to Kaz’s bed. His heartbeat fluttered heavily in ecstasy as his hand hovered over Kaz’s tangled, overgrown hair. He wanted so desperately to touch him. 

‘Kaz,’ he whispered softly. His body yearned for a reply, but he was met with the sound of Kaz’s soft but laboured breathing.

He turned his attention to Kaz’s face. Snake was not sure whether it was the nine years of solitude or the torture that had so beaten him. Even under sedation, Kaz’s expression was troubled. His generous mouth curved downwards, lips busted and parted ever so slightly. Snake wanted to run a finger over every wrinkle and cut of his mouth. His eyes were swollen and bruised. Closed shut they were mournful. It seemed that the last nine years had drained the fire from his veins. 

‘You look like hell, kid,’ Snake drawled, half laughing to himself. ‘Looks like they put you through a lot, but I never doubted you for a second.’ He paused as Kaz breathed, quiet, unresponsive. 

‘Takes more than a few cuts and bruises to silence a queen like you. We never could shut you up back in Costa Rica. But I-I know you, kid: you’re strong, you’ll bounce back.’ His smile faltered in doubt. ‘Right?’ He sighed in anticipation of what he was going to say next.

‘I don’t know if you can hear me,’ he continued, his voice dropping to a whisper. ‘I guess it’s best that you can’t. Kaz, I’m-’ He sighed, long and drawn out, not sure how to proceed. ‘I’m going to be away for a while… a long while. And I know I’ve kept you waiting long, baby, but…’ he stuttered to a pause, closing his eyes, unable to look at the ghostly figure below him. 

‘But you can’t know that I’m gone. And you… you can’t know the truth, not yet.’ His voice began to crack. ‘Kaz, I-I didn’t mean for things to be this way. It all happened so fast. Goddammit I just couldn’t control-- what’s been happening and I just-just,’ Snake let out a quiet, pained groan, followed by a short, desperate chuckle. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s all of this… pressure. I feel like my head’s going to explode. And I wish I could hold you. Touch you, talk to you, so you could tell me what to do. Because sometimes I’m alone at night and I just can’t think, and I just can’t-’ Snake took a deep breath, wary of his increasingly panicked tone. 

‘I guess this is one of the few times I wouldn’t mind your bossiness, kid,’ he joked, to brush off previous display of weakness. Another silence fell between them. 

‘God, I’ve missed you babe,’ he muttered, pained. ‘But don’t worry that pretty face of yours.’ He paused, half expecting Kaz to frown in response. Back in Costa Rica Kaz hated it whenever Snake spoke to him like that. Snake knew exactly why, but he just couldn’t help himself. Something about it made Snake feel…bigger. He knew it wasn’t fair on Kaz, but one look at that young, sun kissed face and he just couldn’t help it. 

‘I’ll be seeing you around again soon. Don’t you worry, baby, I’ll be there. Just…’ his voice faltered. ‘Just from afar.’

Out of pure habit Snake lowered his hand to rest it on Kaz’s arm, as he was so used to doing back in Costa Rica. He felt his hand sink into the mattress. Snake’s eye darted immediately to the younger man in confusion. His hand instinctively splayed as his fingers grasped at the sheets desperately to touch Kaz. Nothing.

Snake jumped up to look at the space where Kaz’s arm should have been, eye widening in panic. He traced the sheets to a stump just off of Kaz’s shoulder. No. He shook his head slowly in a rising swell of horror.

No, no, no-

His gaze dashed frantically to survey the rest of Kaz’s body when he noticed the way that the sheets fell below Kaz’s left knee. His wide mouth dropped oven and his body began to tremble uncontrollably.

No, no, no. This isn’t happening, he thought to himself. No, no--

\--‘No,’murmed a quiet voice from below Snake. Snake looked down at Kaz to see his expression contorted in pain. ‘No,’ Kaz grunted, louder this time, his voice hoarse from the sedation. ‘Stop—no- --‘ His breathing became shallow and uneven. 

Snake jumped down beside Kaz on reflex and cupped his face with his shaking hands. 

‘Kaz, baby,’ he began, panicked and trying his best to stroke the agonised knotted expression as Kaz thrashed his head back and forth. ‘Baby, baby I’m here, I’m here. OK? It’s alrigh—‘

\--‘No!’ Kaz began to throw his head from side to side, wrenching out of Snake’s grip. Kaz’s body convulsed as he swiped what was left of his arm. Snake stepped back instinctively only to realise bleakly that Kaz simply did not have the reach to hit him. He staggered backwards away from Kaz, frozen and gripped in devastation. As Kaz’s movements got louder Snake realised that he would have to find a way to escape before the medical staff were alerted. He hastily put on his balaclava and began to leave the room in a hurry when he took one last glance at his lover.

Time slowed down. The world blurred around his Kazuhira. Kaz. He watched Kaz’s body fall slowly back onto the bed in exhaustion and fold into itself on the rebound of his mattress. His broad chest shivered with the ebb and flow of his fractured breathing. The pain and fear in Kaz’s tortured expression etched and burned itself into Snake’s mind. 

Hurried noises from the corridor pulled Snake back to reality. It was time to be Big Boss. This time, there was no looking back. With confidence and purpose, Snake left Kaz behind and strode down the corridor away from Kaz’s room. Rushed, hurried members of the medical team swept past him as Snake walked away in a haze. Snake could see, coming towards him, the outline of his phantom. Venom Snake was imposing, commanding and tall as he powered through the corridor towards Kaz’s room. Venom was driven, focused entirely on getting to Kaz, ignoring completely Snake or any others in his way. It was Venom who got to save Kazuhira Miller; Venom who would be there when Kaz awoke; Venom who would get to hold him, and touch him, and bring him back- if that was even possible.

Snake clenched his fists and set his sights firmly ahead, fury branding into his bones.

****

Not long after that encounter, Snake would bellow in swelling, blistering rage at Ocelot. About what the fuck had he just seen and why wasn’t he told this straight away; about why the fuck Ocelot had left it so long to save Kazuhira Miller; about how the hell he could let this happen-

-‘and to Kaz? Kazuhira Miller of all people! Do you realise what an asset you’ve just let fall through the drain? He is my partner, my second in command, there is nobody, nobody, on this goddamn Earth who can replace what you’ve just let go to waste!’

He would scream, demanding to know if Ocelot understood what this meant, understood the damage that was done on his watch and on his hands. He would pace back and forth across Ocelot’s office, pulling at his hair in anger and frustration, grinding his teeth and growling in between his yells as images of Kaz being tortured, Kaz being touched reeled through his mind over and over and over and over-

‘and what the fuck is V doing hanging around the medical bay? Doesn’t he have better things to do than prance in and hover around my second in command--do you know how bad that looks? Big Boss does not fawn over his XO, Big Boss does not drop everything and come running when his baby has some nightmare, he-‘

-‘Boss, he’s acting on medical instinct,’ cut in Ocelot, trying desperately to quell Snake’s vehemence. ‘He can’t help but have that in his mind’-

-‘Then get rid of it.’

‘Boss?’

‘Push it back further, wipe it out, I don’t know, but just make it stop.’

‘Boss, we can’t-‘

‘I don’t want him around Kaz,’ insisted Snake, words heavy and emphatic. His pace picked up, ’he can’t act like that, it’s pathetic and shameful and weak and- Big Boss is not weak, he does not have any weak spots, he is not weak godDAMMIT!’ Snake slammed his fist into Ocelot’s desk, the wood buckling beneath his might. A knowing silence fell between the two men as the weight of Snake’s words tumbled and scattered on the floor. Snake’s fist remained clenched.

‘You’re right,’ replied Ocelot, breaking the silence. He raised his gaze, meeting Snake’s directly. His words were cold and definite. ‘Big Boss is stronger than that.’ 

Snake felt the ferocity surging in his chest break and collapse as Ocelot’s words rung through his mind. His face softened to a frown as he shook his head and began to put on his balaclava.

‘We’ll talk later,’ he murmured to Ocelot as he gathered his thoughts and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a sad/angry one.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below or on tumblr etc.
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com


	3. FLASHBACK Costa Rica 1972

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake is in a strange mood that he can't shake off and Kaz enjoys a night off from his duties.

_‘¡Ay Papi!’_

Snake rolled his eye as he approached his room, tired after a long work out and desperate for a long, relaxing bath. The evening air was cool on Snake’s damp, heatened skin as his t-shirt clung in sweat to his torso. He cherished the soft caress of the breeze and the peace of the evening before he opened the door to his room that shared a wall with his subcommander’s room. 

MSF business was really taking off and Snake, Kaz and all of the MSF staff were working flat out to keep the momentum going. When a weary eyed Kaz noticed an opportunity for scheduling a night off for everyone on base, despite Snake’s uncertainty about the idea, Kaz was met with resounding approval from everybody else at the camp. Snake at least enjoyed the opportunity to catch up on some general fitness training- being away on missions kept him fit, but there was a lot of time spent waiting and sneaking. 

Kaz, on the other hand, decided to head into town with some of the other MSF men and, as Snake could hear quite clearly, chose to spend his free time differently.

‘¡Ay me vuelves loco, Papi!’ moaned a voice from inside of Kaz’s room. Snake shut the door behind him with a thud as he could hear hushed giggling, shuffling and panting from the other side of his wall. So much for a quiet night off.

Snake peeled off his shirt and made his way to his bathroom to begin running his much sought after bath. Tracing his fingers through the water as it flowed, he absent-mindedly let his mind wander. He thought of how much progress MSF had made so far, of the new talent that they had scouted and brought in. Money was tight, but things seemed to be going well. Snake frowned slightly, furrowing his brow with a mood that he just somehow couldn’t shake. It had snuck up on him and stalked his attention and was beginning to take its toll. It wasn’t that Snake was unhappy, it was just … he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. 

His thoughts, however, were soon interrupted by a heavy rhythmic banging coming from the other side of the bathroom wall. 

‘¡Si, si, si!’cried the voice from Kaz’s room, breathy and gasping in time with each thump on the wall.

‘Goddammit Kaz,’ he muttered to himself moodily, turning off the tap and taking off the remainder of his clothes. He was about to step into the bath when suddenly-

‘Papi,’ purred another voice, ’me haces muy mojada.’ Another woman? Thought Snake. _Goddammit Kaz!_ The voice continued, ‘quiero que me lo coman’. Snake had no idea what the women were saying, but suspected that it was probably for the best that he did not know. At any rate, he would probably find out soon enough given how thin the walls seemed to be.

‘Como desées, Hermosa,’ he heard Kaz reply softly, the thudding on the wall pausing only to be replaced with the noise of more frantic scuffling and laughter as the three of them presumably rearranged themselves.

Snake grimaced, hearing the flirtatious, lusty tone of Kaz’s voice, and slid into the bath, thankful for the warmth of the water to distract him. He knew that Kaz had been promiscuous in the past, but the more time he had spent working with Kaz and getting to know the precocious business man that he was, the harder it was to understand Kaz’s personality. Snake liked to think that he knew Kaz well. They did spend all of their time together, but then again, it was always work related. Did Kaz enjoy Snake’s company? Or was he just using Snake for money and a purpose? If he had the chance, would Kaz leave? After all, he had no reservations about using his free evening to leave camp. Why didn’t Kaz want to spend his free time with him? Snake’s mind whirred with pointless endless questions.

Snake cupped the water in his hands and doused it over his head to clear his thoughts. He wanted to smooth out the knots in his mind. He sank further into the bath. He felt the warmth of the water lap the nape of his neck and the ends of his ruffled, overgrown hair. He ran his fingers through his scraggly beard. God, he thought to himself, I’m a mess. 

He thought wistfully back to being in his twenties. Of his vibrant sapphire eyes, creasing into ----his boyish smirk, cracking a joke and widening into---- his thunderous laugh, real and powerful, and defracting out into a whisper as----his hand shook above the Boss as his finger stroked the trigger guard and slid onto the trigger and he—

_\--Stop. Enough._

He sighed and lowered his head further, letting the water swirl around him and splay his dirtied mane. He could feel his mind sinking into memories he did not want to resurrect.

A long, drawn out groan from the other side of the room caught Snake’s attention. It was Kaz.

The steady squeaking of Kaz’s mattress had resumed. Kaz’s moans were muffled, low and silky, getting louder with thump of his bed. So this is what Kaz sounded like in bed, thought Snake, as he chuckled to himself. Absent-mindedly, he wondered how long Kaz had been with the other women. Snake closed his eye and found his thoughts drifting off to the spectacle in the other room. He pictured Kaz lying back on the bed, two female figures, out of focus and faceless. One would be riding his hips and the other, his face. Both would be framing his naked body perfectly.  
Snake scrunched his eyes and tried to swat the vivid images from out of his mind. What was he doing?

High pitched panting, however, drew him back into his daydream. 

‘¡Damelo-ah-ah- duro!’ called one of the voices, loud and desperate with desire. The banging on the wall instantly became faster and more intense. Snake could hear Kaz’s groans growing louder. He pictured Kaz’s commanding thighs thrusting upwards into the blurred out female figure; the defined and deliberate muscle tensing and releasing, pulsing powerfully into the other woman as she cried out in pleasure; the steady rise and fall of that perfect ass. With a will of its own, Snake’s hand crept down his thigh. Snake felt his breath hitch and his body stiffen. He bit his lip and exhaled.

‘¡Ya me vengo!’ cried the other voice, breathless. Snake heard Kaz’s stifled moan get louder as the woman’s gasping grew louder and shriller. She let out a final gasp and Snake imagined Kaz’s generous lips sucking the life out of this woman; his wet, talented tongue twisting and licking her through her orgasm. He imagined Kaz’s cheekbones, flushed as the woman’s thighs tightened their grip and gently crushed his face. Snake heard the thud of an exhausted body hit the mattress next door. 

Snake felt like he was in a trance. His mind had never been on sex, or so he thought. Not since EVA, at least, and even then he never—

-another yelp from Kaz, followed by louder and faster panting. Snake’s hand picked up its pace and he felt a long sigh of pleasure escaping from his lips. Oh God, he thought, what am I doing?

¡Voy a venir, voy a venir, voy a-!’ howled the other woman. The thrusting sped up, bodies bouncing on the bed and then, with a final groan from Kaz, falling together, their breathing slowing down. 

He wondered what Kaz must have been doing to make the women call out so loudly. He wondered what Kaz would do to him. The noises and images fluttering through Snake’s head were beyond pornographic. He felt as if his he had lost control of his mind and actions, his body carried forward with heavy frustrated desire. In the back of his mind he felt as if he should have been stronger than this. As if he were above these base, human, primal needs. 

But visions of Kaz’s mouth stretching into a seamless ‘O’ as a moan of intense pleasure twines out of his body flash through Snake’s mind.

His body tenses. His breathing stutters. And then peace and perfect clarity.

***

The next morning, spirits seemed lifted among the MSF staff. Snake could see Kaz standing with his back to him, tall, proud and strangely perky after what Snake had assumed would have been the exertion of the night before. He was quiet, nodding along and listening to what was presumably an anecdote from another colleague. He laughed.

‘Kaz,’ said Snake, placing an arm on Kaz’s shoulder.

‘Good morning, Boss,’ he responded spritely. He turned around to greet Snake, his smile calm and sincere. 

‘Sounds like you had a good night off, Kaz,’ continued Snake. Kaz grinned, his smile widening as he let out a short laugh. 

‘Ahh yeah, sorry about that, Boss,’ Kaz replied coyly. ‘I thought you were out.’

‘Oh,’ cut in their colleague, Vincent, one of their senior medics. ‘So you managed to bring one of them back here? Which one did you end up sweet talking?’ Kaz lowered his gaze to the ground and kept a knowing silence.

‘No,’ began Vincent, ‘you’ve got to be kidding me.’ Kaz let out another snicker and caught Vincent’s eye, raising his eyebrows jokingly. 

‘Hey Vin,’ said Snake, ‘could I borrow your commander for a second?’

‘Sure thing boss.’ Snake nodded in gratitude to Vincent and then gestured for Kaz to come with him so that they could speak privately. Snake began to walk away and Kaz followed.

‘Boss,’ he began, ‘I’m so sorry if I disturbed you at all last night. I thought you were out-’

‘Look, Kaz,’ Snake interrupted. ‘I guess it’s really none of my business. I just.’ His voice trailed off. None of his business? That’s exactly the opposite of what Snake wanted to say. Snake began to regret not thinking through what he wanted to say in advance. A silence began to settle between them. He could see Kaz furrow his brows behind his aviators in confusion. He had to think of something, and fast.

‘Do you really think you should be bringing people back to our base?’ he spluttered, internally relieved that some words came from his mouth. ‘Surely you must worry about security or,’ his voice stuttered out.

‘Ummm, Boss?’ replied Kaz. ‘I mean, we’re set to change camp again next week. I figured that since they were civvies who don’t know what we’re about, it should be fine.’ Snake frowned to himself slightly. He cursed internally at Kaz’s irritatingly reasonable logic.

Picking up on Snake’s cues, however, Kaz continued ‘but if it would make you feel more comfortable I could keep that stuff off base. You know,’ he smiled sweetly, ’for your peace of mind.’ Snake met his gaze and, pursing his lips, nodded, defeated and unable to see a way of telling him that he didn’t want Kaz sleeping around. And unable to understand why.

Over the next few weeks, rather than bring women back to camp, whenever Kaz had a night free, Kaz was decidedly absent. Snake would lie on his bed, next to the wall that he shared with Kaz’s room, brain whirring in the silence to come up with a reason to make Kaz stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm trash. Guess this is going to need to go up a rating. Translations below.
> 
> But in all honesty, wanting to set up a bit more of the BB/Kaz relationship before we go back to TPP sad times. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments or hmu on tumblr if you wanna say hello.
> 
> For anyone interested, I had the scene from 'Eyes Wide Shut' with Nicole Kidman and the Sailor in mind when writing this. That film is super creepy...
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> Translations:
> 
> 'Ay Papi'- Oh Daddy  
> 'Ay me vuelves loco, Papi'- You're driving me crazy, Daddy  
> 'Si, si, si'-Yes, yes, yes  
> 'Me haces muy mojada'- I'm so wet  
> 'Quiero que me lo coman'- I want you to eat me out (oral sex)  
> 'Como desées, Hermosa'- As you wish, gorgeous  
> 'Damelo duro'- harder/ fuck me harder  
> 'Ya me vengo'- I'm cumming  
> 'voy a venir'- I'm going to cum
> 
> Now I'm going to take a bath in some holy water.


	4. Don't do this to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ocelot and Kaz argue about the target of a new mission arranged for Venom Snake. Kaz has flashbacks.

‘ _No, absolutely not._ ’ Kaz’s crutch scraped heavily on the floor as he moved towards Venom Snake.

‘Come on, boss,’ insisted Ocelot, ‘you and me both know that Kozlov is just too important an asset to ignore. We need him on our side.’ 

The room was dark as the sun began to set, an orange glow staining the metal floorboards. A wooden table stood between the three men. A solitary, dimmed lamp spilled its light onto a map of Northern Afghanistan pinned down on its corners. Venom was stressed. He leaned his hands on the edge of the table, his eye scanning the map silently as the other men argued as they had been for the past few hours. His mind whirred in the stale, stuffy air.

‘Our intel tells us that he’s only got another five days at Da Ghwandai Khar before he leaves to, God only knows where.’ The usual composure in Ocelet’s drawl was breaking in frustration. ‘He’s a sitting duck, Boss. We can catch him as he’s leaving.’ He tapped his fist emphatically on the map ‘Now is our chance!’

‘Boss, this man is a psychopath. He is not on our side.’ Kaz’s voice was shaken with exasperation. Opposite Venom on the far end of the table, Kaz’s proud stance was beginning to wilt. Having only recently been released from the medical bay after his rescue, despite his best efforts to dress formally and authoritatively, Kaz looked vulnerable. He was still adjusting to working life without his arm and his leg. Even though he hid his body under his large trench coat, Venom could tell that every muscle in his body was strained. ‘Don’t bring him back here.’

Ocelot turned to Venom beside him leaning in, speaking with an earnest, lowered voice ‘Boss come on, this man is a goldmine of information. Intel is scarce, we need more to expand, and if we persuade him to join us, we can-‘

‘He’s not going to join us!’ cut in Kaz. Kaz’s teeth were gritted, the growl in his voice pained. ‘Boss, this man is twisted and sadistic, just, just,’ he stuttered, his composure and dignity faltering rapidly. He took a breath and raised his right shoulder, his sleeve cascading down the space where his arm should have been. His voice was steady and emphatic. ‘Just look at what he did to me, Boss. He’s not going to co-operate. ‘ A pause.

‘In any event,’ Ocelot remarked confidently, ‘we can just force the intel out of him.’ A silence fell bluntly among the men. Venom hazarded a glance up at his second in command. Kaz froze. His already tense body tightened at Ocelot’s heavy words. His gloved hand gripped desperately at his crutch. Venom felt his chest stiffen for Kaz. Ocelot did not even have to look up at Kaz. He knew he was going to win.

‘Hey,’ he drawled, casting a nonchalant nod at Kaz, ‘we could even learn from his technique.’ 

It took every nerve in what was left of his body not to raise his crutch at the Russian and beat him down in fury. He desperately did not want to give up, but in his mind he knew that it was already too late. He felt his body begin to tremble.

‘You sick bastard,’ he whispered. He dragged himself closer to Ocelot, bringing his face close to Ocelot’s, meeting Ocelot’s arrogant stare, his eyes clouded with fury behind his aviators. ‘Why are you doing this to me? Do you want me to beg? Is that it?’ Ocelot’s face remained still. He looked at the pale eyes burning and lifted his proud chin.

‘What I want is for you to pull yourself together,’ he spat, raising his voice. ‘Big Boss does not let personal problems get in the way. Neither should you, Miller. We are bringing Kozlov to this base and that is final. This is our cause and I won’t let you get in the way.’ His words were definite and assertive.

Kaz turned his head to Venom. ‘Boss, please,’ he uttered quietly, his voice defeated. Venom could see the pain hidden in Kaz’s expression. Kaz was exceptionally enduring, but Venom knew in the way that Kaz’s breathing tremored softly, and in the way that his lips hung helplessly, that this was too much. He wanted to gather Kaz in his arms. Venom’s expression softened, tender with passive regret.

‘Kaz,’ he breathed, finding himself unable to string together any further words. Kaz, seeing Venom’s face, began to shuffle backwards.

‘No,’ he began to stutter, his face breaking out into a look of horror, ‘No, Boss don’t do this to me. _Please. Don’t-_ ’ His voice was low, almost a whisper, vulnerable and desperate. To Venom, this was agony.

Ocelot, seeing the changing expression on Venom’s face, shot him a look of pure steel. He lowered his eyebrows in judgement and nodded. On seeing Venom’s resigned  
expression Kaz knew that it was too late. He shook his head softly in disappointment.

‘Snake,’ he sighed, betrayed.

‘Kaz,’ replied Venom, his stare falling to the ground. ‘I’m sorry’. He lifted his gaze back up to his second in command, searching desperately for any hint of relief in Kaz’s face. Kaz leaned into his crutch and turned his head away. ‘Kaz,’ he repeated, ‘I’m-‘

‘Don’t,’ cut in Kaz, his voice barbed. ‘Just go.’

Venom felt his body shift towards Kaz, but the ache in Kaz’s voice stopped him. This time he would respect his boundaries. Venom nodded at Ocelot and the two men left the room.

***

Kaz could feel a pool of fear and dread beginning to whirl in his gut. Burning wires of steel wove themselves around the fingers in the hand that he had lost. They worked their way up his forearm, his bicep, his shoulder, and coiled around his neck. He felt frozen vines tug at the leg that he had lost and burn their thorns through his skin. The more they pulled to drag him under, the deeper their grip. He felt the world begin to spin as visions and senses of Kozlov and his men bore into his skull: of the dull thud of boots on skin; the smell of blood and dirtied blades; the sound of a zipper being undone as cloth fell to the floor. Calloused fingers clutching his face and then darkness.

His mouth was dry.

The gentle crash of the waves lapped in the distance. The hum of soldiers going to and fro and building works around the base flowed over Kaz. He closed his eyes and inhaled.

***  
Kaz opened his eyes. A long breath twined over his lips. In the back of his mind he thought he could hear his mother calling his name. In his mind and in this room, he felt raw. But outside he could hear his men and his duty and they needed him functional. He let his face settle into its now routine, default scowl. He thought idly of his old, preppy and overly perky disposition in Columbia. _Oh well_ , he thought to himself. _From one act to another_. What choice did he have? With another deep breath he pushed down the fear.

He let his face settle into its now routine, default scowl and left the room, keen to get some fresh air and survey the work going around on Motherbase. He squinted at the dying light surrounding him. In the distance he saw cranes working on a new platform, silhouetted against an orange ember sky. Thoughts of the potential of Diamond Dogs and the progress already made pushed down and muted out the pain of his past. And Snake was back. His waiting was finally over. He almost, almost smiled. 

A crash of metal from behind him pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned. In the distance he could see a figure, face covered by a Diamond Dogs balaclava, scrambling on the floor, surrounded by metal pipes that he had presumably dropped when he presumably fell over. He inhaled and walked over to the soldier to investigate, shifting his weight to his crutch as he went.

As he approached the soldier jumped up into a hasty salute. He scanned a cursory glance at the man and the mess around him, unimpressed. The figure opened his mouth to speak, but Kaz shook his head before he could. Eager not to waste any more time on the matter Kaz huffed a simple ‘as you were’ before limping away with purpose. Kaz made a mental note to instruct R and D to upgrade Venom’s analyser.

Snake’s eye traced the outline of Kaz’s silhouetted frame as he watched his lover walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry this is a bit of a set up/filler chapter (I'm excited for what this is setting up for though!)
> 
> Also, in case I was unclear about it, Da Ghwandai Khar is the name of the village where Kaz was held and tortured. Kozlov is just a name I made up, but he's meant to be the guy in charge of that outpost who is responsible for ruining my sweet sunchild. Didn't want to hint at it too hard in the fic, but also realise it's probs confusing!
> 
> Experimenting with different styles as I go, and fighting writer's block, hope it doesn't make it weird/boring. And the title of the chapter. Completely no ideas so just plucked a line.
> 
> For some reason I had the last line of 'Prufrock' stuck in my head as I wrote the flashback paragraph: 'Till human voices wake us, and we drown.' Don't know why though. Sorry if that's pretentious, I'm a nerd. Ramblings over.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!! Please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr.
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/


	5. Thud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: torture, violence, blood

Kozlov woke to an unfamiliar sensation. The air around him was hot and parched, the usual humidity drained from his surroundings. Arid waves of heat pressed against his bare skin, exposed from his undershirt, drawing his eyes to flutter awake. _Blink_. Soft auburn streams gleamed in through the window. _Blink_. Heat waves glimmered through the air. _Blink_. A smooth, smoky aroma teased into his senses, followed by a harsh charring scent. He wrinkled his nose sleepily.

_Thud._

The noise was gentle, but curious enough to force his eyes open. 

_Thud._

His eyes darted to the corner of the room where, in the darkness, one perfect red circle smoldered. The amber glow outside swelled through the window, shedding light on a strange figure seated, reclining on a chair.

_Thud._

Tendrils of smoke curled from the lips of the figure. Thud. As Kozlov’s vision focused he could see that the figure, watching him, casually throwing up and catching some sort of object in one of its hands. _Some sort of baton?_ thought Kozlov. _A hammer?_

A gust of heat and wind pushed open the door and rushed through Kozlov’s room. He shot up in his bed.

‘Fire,’ he gasped to himself, clambering upright. His gaze scurried around his room as in a panic he looked for his clothes. ‘Fire! Fi-’

‘Shhhh,’ cut in the figure from the corner, rising from its position in the chair. ‘Nobody can hear you.’ The voice was a low growl, speaking with muted menace.

‘Wh-who are you?’ stuttered Kozlov, backing away, his hand clumsily reaching for a gun- a weapon, anything- as the figure loomed closer relentlessly. He stumbled backwards until his back thumped against the wall and he realised he was trapped.

‘Look, look, if it’s money you want I can make it worth your w-while,’ he stammered desperately. ‘I, I’ve even got a stash of hidden diamonds hidden not far from here. Th-the genuine thing. All y-yours. I, I‘ll take you, I’ll…’ his voice trailed off as the figure remained, still and unyielding. Kozlov’s lip trembled. His fingers clawed at the wood of the wall.

‘Come with me,‘ ordered the voice, steady and uncompromising. 

Kozlov began to whimper. ‘Please, sir, I’ll do anything, I-I’. The figure remained.

‘Come with me,’ it repeated. Coming closer it pressed the hammer into the bottom of Kozlov’s rib, steadily and relentlessly increasing the force until his bone gave way with a slow, pained crack. Kozlov bowed over and howled in pain.

‘Get up,’ the voice demanded, watching, hawkish from above. It was clear that it would not repeat itself. Kozlov struggled onto his palms, his knees, his feet. He stood up, crouched over in pain.

‘Walk.’ Kozlov cast a weak, reluctant eye to the blazing outside through the open door, and back to the figure. In the harsh red flickering lights, it looked like a demon. Large and imposing, he could make out the face of a man, steeped in shadow, wild. A clear blue eye bore through Kozlov, burning.

Fear carried Kozlov out of the building and the outpost as he shuffled, the demon figure steady behind him. He felt the air get heavier with humidity as they moved further from the flames incinerating his outpost as they coiled into the night sky. The world around him grew darker as they walked and walked and walked and walked until-

‘Get down,’ growled the figure from behind him. Kozlov’s knees shook as he hesitated for a slight second when- 

_Thud._

Kozlov tumbled to the ground as a the hammer struck the side of his face from behind and a leather boot was thrust into the back of his knee, pushing him to the ground and remaining on his calf. He cried out in agony as his face hit a large rock. A splatter of blood hit the rocks in a clear line.

Kozlov felt the boot gracelessly move up his body, pressing hard and lingering longer over his rib, drawing out a long, grated groan in anguish. He heard the figure move above him. A large calloused hand tangled itself into his hair and pulled his head back with brute force. The other ran its way over his jaw and dug its fingers into his mouth, yanking his mouth open with such power that Kozlov felt a sharp crack, leaving his mouth hanging open wide. The dirt from below clung to his tongue, dry.

His face was pushed into the rock. He scrunched his eyes shut in pain as he felt its jagged edges dig into his face, crushing his nose and clawing at his eyes. He felt the heavy weight of the figure’s boot against the bruised back of his head. Again, pressing relentlessly with steadily increasing weight. Kozlov, his mouth open, began to shake, drooling uncontrollably as he felt his teeth slowly, slowly start to buckle inwards. He felt his mouth flooding with blood, tasting sharp and metallic as his lips began to split and spill against the coarse surface beneath him. Blood trickled from his mouth down the rocks and pooled around his chest. He choked on himself, the occasional tooth prizing itself down his throat or windpipe. He let out a weak gargle as he was forced to breathe raggedly through his crushed nose. 

Kozlov could not tell how long the figure kept this going. For him, it felt like an eternity. Tears and blood streamed down his face as he whimpered and whimpered until suddenly he felt the pressure ease from his head. The relief did not last for long, however, as a swift blow to his side pushed him off the rock. He tumbled to the ground as the figure grabbed his shoulders, spinning him onto his back. Its fingers pressed dark purple bruises into his skin.

By now, Kozlov was hazy with pain. His body slumped as his mouth draped sagged helplessly. His eyes began to roll back feebly. Strong arms dashed him firmly to the ground as the figure crept up close to his face, staring unperturbed by the broken image before him. He felt its steady, heavy breath scorching against the coldness of his skin. Its eye stared at him, wild. It stood up and loomed over him, casting a long dark shadow over his body.

‘Look at me,’ the figure demanded. Kozlov’s eyes could not focus as they slowly moved from side to side.

‘Look at me.’

The image of the figure’s face blurred into his vision for one last time. It raised its foot.

Clear moonlight and bright white stars littered the sky.

_**Thud.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to dental hygiene. The figure wasn't BB, it was actually the tooth fairy.
> 
> Yo, there's actually more related to this coming along, and I had meant to write it all and post it in one go. I just enjoyed writing this so much that I couldn't keep it aside. On that note, sorry if there are typos, errors, it feels less refined etc etc, I've had this idea in my head for a while and I've been looking forward to getting it down, because writing graphic violence is new territory for me. 
> 
> (sorry this is kinda graphic)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr. Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com


	6. Cigars and Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake has some time alone and airs his thoughts.
> 
> tw: explicit language and mentions of anxiety/panic attacks

_Click._

The whir of the tape recorder began as Snake took a long drag of his cigar.

‘Fucking hell,’ he murmured to himself as the smoke coiled from his mouth. He leaned back into his large armchair, mindlessly whirling a bottle of scotch in his hand as he reclined. ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this, this is some dumb shit.’ He took a swig of his scotch.

A fire from the side of the cabin cast dim circles of light into the room, casting warm shadows on Snake’s face. Laying low in his solitude, Snake let his hair and beard grow longer. Thick, wiry, strands colonized Snake’s jaw, curling downwards from the curve of his wide bottom lip. Unkempt, his hair was a thick mane, layers settling where they fell, wild. Deep wrinkles carved their way into his forehead, around his eye, cracking around his stony mouth. He took a swig of his scotch.

‘Kaz,’ he began, ‘Kaz I really meant to make it longer. Draw it out.’ His voice was low, and rough, hesitate with self-consciousness as he spoke to the tape recorder in front of him. ‘I wanted him to suffer. God I wanted that bastard to squirm. Hearing the way he chocked, fuck me it felt good. But now, I just feel…Fuck, I dunno, empty.’ He took another drag of his cigar. His mouth filled with smooth burning, tingling slightly as the smoke left his lips.

‘I guess my “phantom” should have gone there and found out for himself now. I wonder how you’d react, hearing that I curb stomped that bastard’s face. Wish you could have been there with me, baby. Watching him kneel like a dog. Fuck.’ He paused. ‘But one look at that face. That smarmy, pathetic face, I just couldn’t help myself. I just had to. I thought of you, I thought of your, your pain and, fuck… It makes me feel sick. How dare he touch you. How dare he even think of laying a finger on my Kaz.’  
Snake let out a long sigh and tapped his cigar, letting the embers fall to the floor.

‘You look sexy as fuck in your new uniform, by the way,’ Snake continued. ‘All neat and done up like that, I just- I just wanna grab you and fuck you up. You fucking tease, hiding away that perfect ass under that coat. But goddamn you look so hot. Like a goddamn movie star or some shit. So uptight I just wanna slam you against the wall and tear those prissy cloths off you right now. Fuck you senseless. Make you moan. You look so fucking tense. You know I’d treat you right, babe. 

And those gloves… Fuck that’s _hot_. Keep those on. I wanna feel you touch me. I want you to run your hands all over my body like you used to. Goddammit I miss your body. You strong arms and those perfect muscles. The way they hold me tight. The way your chest heaves when we fuck, and the way your ass clenches beautifully. And your face. Fuck me, your _face_. I think about it all the time and it’s driving me fucking crazy. Fuck there’s nobody in the world who fucking turns me on like you do. Look at what you’ve done to me, kiddo, I’m a fucking mess without you.’

He paused. He took a swig of his scotch.

‘Kaz, I,’ he began, hesitant. ‘It’s happening again. The, the nerves, the whirlwinds. And I can’t- I can’t talk to anyone else about it. They- fuck- they don’t know. And they can’t know.’ His voice rose. ‘Big Boss doesn’t do that, he doesn’t freak out like, like a _fucking schoolgirl_!’ He felt his chest freeze up as the fire within him began to roar.

‘Fuck- baby- Kaz,’ he continued, trying to push down the rising fear. ‘I fucking need you. Fuck this, fuck it all. I’d burn down this whole fucking world just to hear you call my name again like you used to. See you shudder and sigh and cum all over my skin. I need it, I need you. There’s no one else who gets me like you do. No one else who just knows how to make things right, fucking hell I’m so lost without you.’

Snake shook his head and let out a long groan, massaging his forehead in exasperation. 

‘Baby, I’ve got to get my shit together. This is not what you wanted. What we wanted. What she wanted.’ He took a swig of his scotch.

‘But hey, at least that fucker’s dead and gone. And I’d do it again, a million times and more. All for you, babe. Because I swear if anyone so much as lays a fucking finger on you, I will fuck them up. I will end them in an instant. Because I fucking love you, Kaz. I fucking love you and you’re mine.’

His cigar burned absently as Snake spoke, its ashes cascading idly to the floor. Snake looked at the tape recorder humming away on the table before him. He shook his head and took a swig of his scotch. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the dimmed glass of the bottle.

‘This is fucking dumb.’ He picked up the tape from the tape recorder and, giving it once last glance in his fingers, threw it into the fire.

Shadows flickered on the wall and settled. He took a swig of his scotch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cursing, folks. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, as always, and sorry for the delay in posting this-- I wrote the chapters the wrong way round. Oops.
> 
> As always, please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below or on tumblr at http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks!!
> 
> P.S does anyone else wonder what BB would look like channeling his lumbersexual vibes?


	7. Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz spends the evening alone, trying to adjust to life without his writing hand, when Venom returns early from his mission with some interesting news for Kaz.

Kaz narrowed his eyes on the page in front of him. Candle light flickered on the cream of the paper in front of him as he focused all of his energy on keeping his fingers stable. He tightened his grip on his pen. He furrowed his brow as with all of his concentration he slowly, slowly formed the curve of an ‘R’. His hand stuttered, ruining his work. Scattered across his desk were pages and pages of letters of the alphabet, scrawled in what was now to be Kaz’s handwriting. 

It took all of Kaz’s self-discipline to keep the pen in his hand. A voice in the back of his head told him that this was futile. He cast a glance over the mess of papers and ink and sighed in frustration. His hand was covered in ink, smudged from the paper. His once neat and stylish words were now childish and messy. How could he be a respectable commander if he couldn’t even write in a straight line? 

But, thought Kaz, this was recovery. Supposedly. Kaz knew that he was never going to be the man he was back in Costa Rica. A dull ache throbbed in Kaz’s right arm. He wanted to stretch the fingers that were no longer there. Run his fingertips over the scar that had formed on his palm when he first Snake all those years ago. But that was no longer there. He felt like he was getting old. But this was his recovery.

In any event, this was his distraction. Kaz had not spoken to Venom properly since their disagreement over extracting Kozlov. For obvious reasons Ocelot was on codec for this mission, leaving Kaz with an evening alone. And an evening without substantive work meant an evening alone with his thoughts. And when Snake had sided with Ocelot over him? And when Snake was now in the place where Kaz had been held and tortured? Kaz didn’t want to think. He took a breath and regained his composure, curving out another ‘R’. _Focus._

Unnoticed by Kaz, a small shadow flickered from outside. Venom was about to make his way to Kaz’s door when he caught sight of him working through his window. Alone and lost in his work, Kaz was doused in the soft golden glow of the candle light. His profile was sharp, his lips pursed slightly in concentration, his brows tightened. In his solitude, Kaz looked deconstructed. His trench coat was draped over the back of his chair, his beret hanging beside it. His top button was undone and his tie loosened, revealing that elegant neck. His aviators were folded neatly beside him and his hair swathed softly over his face. His gaze was so absorbed in his task that Venom could not see his eyes properly. Instead Kaz’s eyes were half lidded, lashes fluttered as he looked down at his paper. 

This was Kaz; a hidden side to him that Venom thought he had always admired. Even though years had passed and Kaz had aged, to Snake there was still a bright dynamism to Kaz that he couldn’t help but adore. Vague memories of Kaz working at his desk in Columbia, back when MSF was a poor fledgling business, pieced themselves together in his mind, but Venom could not focus. Not with that vision before him now. 

Fighting the urge to watch over his subcommander, Venom paced forwards and tapped gently on Kaz’s door. Through the window he could see Kaz look up in confusion. Another knock.

‘Kaz, it’s me.’ Kaz turned his head to the door.

‘Boss?’ He reached for his aviators and crutch and hauled himself to open the door. ‘Just a second, Boss,’ he continued, his voice croaky from his evening of silence. 

‘Kaz,’ said Snake as the door opened before him, ‘you really needn’t have.’

‘No, no,’ replied Kaz, ‘it’s honestly nothing.’ He gestured, inviting Venom inside. Kaz still felt bitter about what had transpired between them a few days ago. And yet, he was relieved to see that Venom was back and safe. He looked at Venom’s handsome, stone carved face. Behind the safety of his aviators, Kaz’s eyes traced his commander’s lips. Rugged and taciturn, there was a strange kindness and sincerity to Venom’s disposition that disarmed the anger in Kaz. But Kaz was a very stubborn man.

The door shut behind them.

‘Kaz,’ began Venom as he leaned against Kaz’s desk. He trailed off and Kaz viewed him with suspicion. Venom did not look like he had just returned from the mission he had set off for.

‘Boss, you’re back early,’ said Kaz, breaking the silence. ‘What happened?’ 

‘Here,’ Venom pulled out a chair, ‘you’re going to want a seat-‘

‘I’m fine as I am,’ cut in Kaz immediately. ‘Boss, just tell me.’ He hesitated. ‘Where is he?’

Snake looked up at Kaz. ‘He’s gone.’

‘Gone?’ Kaz remained standing.

‘Yeah. The outpost had burned down when I arrived. And most of the soldiers with it.’ Kaz shook his head slightly.

‘Most? You mean Kozlov got out?’

‘No,’ Snake replied, wondering how to explain the rest. ‘I-I found a trail. It looks like two people, Kozlov and the arsonist, although there was no attempt to cover their tracks.’

‘And at the end?’

It took a moment for Kaz to process all of this information. ‘I couldn’t exactly get a visual ID on him,’ continued Venom, wary of his language. ‘It was quite a… rough job. Intel reckons it was the work of a gang, too brute to be military. We know that Kozlov had stolen rough diamonds for himself. Guess he pissed off the wrong crowd.’ He looked up at Kaz.

‘But he’s dead now.’

Kaz’s face remained still, his expression hard to read under his aviators. He leaned into his crutch. He dipped his head slightly as the side of his lip began to curl. Venom’s eye was fixed on the younger man as he ran his tongue over his generous lips, biting the side of his bottom lip as his shoulders caved inwards. And he began to laugh.

‘Kaz?’ asked Venom, turning his head in confusion at the sight in front of him.

Kaz threw back his head, his mouth wide in laughter in swelling hysteria. The sound was strange. Strained and raw, cackling from his throat, as he gasped and gasped and gasped for air, the room beginning to spin around him. Venom watched in awe as Kaz’s chest heaved and he began to sway, his neck, shoulders, knees buckling, and-

‘ _\--Shit, Kaz!_ ' Venom dove off the desk towards the younger man, catching him in his arms only just before Kaz hit the floor. Kaz’s torso flopped backwards as his head rolled. He laughed manically, suffocating. His crutch loosened on his arm and fell beside them. Venom gathered Kaz in his arms and held him as he trembled. 

‘Kaz, baby, stay with me,’ pleaded Venom, his mechanical arm wrapped around Kaz tightly, his flesh arm frantically running its fingers through Kaz’s hair. ‘Hey, hey, breathe for me.’

Kaz continued to cackle.

‘Baby, baby I know you’re in there,’ continued Venom, stroking the hair out of Kaz’s face. ‘Kaz, please.’ He drew his thumb over Kaz’s cheek, feeling the wetness of tears emerging from his eyes. 

‘I’m here, darling, I’m here. Come back to me, Kaz.’ He hauled up Kaz's torso and, removing his glasses gently, pressed Kaz to his shoulder, feeling the laughter die away slowly to soft, gentle tears. Venom twined his fingers through the curls of Kaz’s hair and, burying his face in Kaz’s collar, desperately wanting to pepper kisses all over his neck. He held his lover close, his mechanical hand running down and caressing Kaz’s back as he came down from his frenzy. They remained like this, on the floor, for a while.

Regaining control of his body, Kaz placed his arm on to Venom’s shoulder and propped himself up. His eyes were half lidded, looking away from his face to avoid the embarrassment.

‘Boss, I’m sorry,’ began Kaz. ‘I-I, don’t know what came over me.’

‘Kaz,’ replied Venom tenderly. Kaz turned his head in shame. ‘Kaz look at me.’ Kaz took a deep breath. His chest heaved gently as he brought his gaze upwards slowly, timidly to meet Venom’s gaze. Looking into the warmth of Venom’s stare Kaz felt his fear slowly drain from his body. 

Venom leaned his head gently on Kaz’s forehead, careful to avoid knocking him with his bone. Venom cupped Kaz’s face with his hand, running his thumb over Kaz’s cheekbones in a delicate caress. With his other hand he ran his fingers softly down Kaz’s back. He closed his eye.

‘Kaz,’ he whispered, his voice full with reverence and devotion.

‘Snake,’ sighed Kaz in response. His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in closer to his lover’s touch. 

The men remained silent as they drank in the moment, mouths so close that the warmth of their breaths ghosted on their lips.

‘Oh God, Kaz,’ Venom whispered, breaking the silence, ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ His voice was low, strained with longing.

‘Snake,’ Kaz replied, like a benediction. ‘Snake, I’ve missed you too.’ Kaz’s pulse throbbed in his chest as he felt Venom drawing in closer and closer. He stopped. In the back of his head, Kaz didn’t want to feel the way he did. He wanted to stand up by himself. Hold his head upright. He wanted to breathe alone and feel whole. And yet, he felt that inescapable pull. One look at the man he thought was his lover and it was inevitable. Snake was inevitable. In the deepest corridors of Kaz’s mind he felt a distant voice whisper a small and present _Yes_.

‘Kaz,’ he began, opening his eye to meet Kaz’s eyes. He felt lost in the marbled pain of his lover’s eyes. ‘Kaz, can I-‘ He was interrupted by the feeling of Kaz nodding fervently. _Yes_. Venom did not need any more cues. Running his hand over Kaz’s cheek and behind his head he pressed his lips against Kaz’s, intense with all of the hunger and yearning of years wasted apart. Venom’s heart raced. 

Kaz hooked his arm around Venom and pulled himself into the kiss, desperate to feel Venom’s scarred lips devouring his mouth as he moaned. He wrapped his leg around Venom’s back and dragged his body closer as he felt Venom bring his arm around Kaz and lift him up, pushing them both off the ground with thick powerful thighs. They continued their kiss, slow as Venom stood strong, his lover draped around him and entwined in his hold. Venom could feel Kaz’s mouth and hips pulse rhythmically against him as every fiber of his being flooded with desire. 

Venom nuzzled Kaz, kissing over his lips and his cheek and pausing at his ear, kissing the skin on Kaz’s neck. Kaz sighed as he felt the heat of Venom’s breath turning on his skin, and listened to his desperate panting. Venom moved down Kaz’s neck, kissing him slowly as Kaz rolled his head back. Together they spun as Venom carried them to the bed, lowering Kaz onto the bed delicately and with care. Kaz let out a needy whimper, reluctant to let go of his lover as Venom pushed away. He watched in a haze as Venom peeled off his shirt and began to climb on top of his lover.

‘I’m not too heavy for you, am I?’ asked Venom as the bed sunk beneath his weight. Kaz shook his head in response, speechless with need. He ran his fingers tentatively over the buttons on his shirt, ‘Can I?’ Kaz nodded, greedy for his lover’s touch.

‘Snake,’ he called out, reaching for Venom and pulling him down for another kiss as Snake pulled off Kaz’s tie and began to unbutton Kaz’s shirt. Kaz ran his hand desperately over Snake’s bare skin, cherishing the feeling of warmth on rough, battered skin that he’d been dreaming about for nine solitary years. Snake ran his hands over Kaz’s shoulders, helping him shrug off his shirt, flinging it onto the floor unceremoniously. Immediately Venom dove onto Kaz’s naked torso, burying his face in Kaz’s chest as it rose and fell, sucking on the taut, paled skin and running a tongue over Kaz’s nipple. Kaz’s breathing hitched at the contact and he let out an involuntary groan. 

Venoms hands trailed over the sides of his chest, over his waist and began working on Kaz’s trousers. He placed his face on Kaz’s stomach, licking and sucking it as he undid Kaz’s belt. He sat up as he rolled Kaz’s trousers and boxers over his erection and down his legs, taking extra care where Kaz’s leg ended abruptly. Venom desperately wanted to caress and cover in kisses the end of Kaz’s leg, but refrained, unsure of how it would feel for Kaz. Venom’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Kaz tapping the bed impatiently.

‘Boss,’ he pouted. ‘Get back here.’ Kaz reached his hand out and grabbed Venom’s overgrown hair, giving it a gentle tug. Venom raised his head and smiled warmly at the younger man.

‘One second, baby,’ he purred, standing up to quickly remove his own trousers and immediately pouncing on his subcommander once he was stripped. He plunged himself into another deep kiss with Kaz. He could feel Kaz devouring him, sucking on Venom’s bottom lip, running his tongue over the seam of his mouth. Venom ran his hands through the mess of Kaz’s hair, ruffling his golden curls and desperately holding that face he adored so much. He pushed down hard on the younger man below him, consumed with a desire that hounded him since the days they spent together in Costa Rica. 

Skin on skin, their bodies twined as Venom began to roll his hips over Kaz’s, slowly at first to gauge his lover’s reaction. The friction of his body drew out a long moan of pleasure from the younger man which echoed through Venom’s mind. Feeling his body plead for more, Venom quickened the pace, grinding deeper over his lover. Slowly, slowly he ran his hand across Kaz’s cheekbones, over his ear, down his neck, his shoulder. In a daze he felt Kaz take his hand in his, guiding it steadily, deliberately over his chest and his stomach, settling finally on the inside of his thigh. Venom’s hand was the first to move, creeping inwards and tentatively gripping their erections together. Kaz’s hips bucked forwards.

Kaz let out a breathy sigh as Venom began to stroke them with more vigour. Kaz ran his hand over Venom’s hips and, splaying his fingers over the curves of his ass, rewarded Venom’s work with a rough, powerful squeeze. He moved his hand over Venoms and, weaving their fingers together, began to pull them both to completion.

‘Oh God,’ gasped Venom heavily in ecstasy. ‘Oh Kaz.’ He peppered Kaz’s face in kisses. ‘Are you alright?’

Heaving for air, Kaz couldn’t speak in his pleasure. Instead he nodded enthusiastically against Venom’s kisses and continued to thrust his hips. ‘Yes—yes—yes,’ he managed between short ragged breaths as their hands pounded against their bodies. 

‘Boss, Snake,’ began Kaz as he felt himself begin to fall. ‘I’m gonna- ah- I’m gonna-‘ Venom jerked his hips powerfully and Kaz flung his head back, his mouth stretching into a perfect ‘O’ in delight. Immediately Venom crushed his lips against Kaz’s open mouth, bucking harder and swallowing Kaz’s cries of elation as he came. With no time to spare, Venom felt Kaz’s arm, still strong with adrenaline, pump Venom harder and harder, coaxing him to a shuddering orgasm. Venom’s thighs tightened and quivered as he spilled himself over his lover below. 

Venom collapsed on top of Kaz, breathing heavily as he felt himself come down from the heat of the moment. Their bodies were coated with a thin layer of sweat as they basked, flustered in each other’s warmth. For the first time in a long time, Kaz smiled. They were together, finally. After years of waiting and longing, the love of his life was back, and here in his grasp. Or, so he thought.

Venom felt the wetness on Kaz’s stomach and arched his abs upwards. 

‘Oh, Kaz,’ Venom began in concern, ‘your skin, I’ve messed-‘ Kaz pressed a finger to Venom’s lips and smiled at him sweetly.

‘Don’t worry about it, Boss,’ he replied blissfully. He cupped his hand over the side of Venom’s face and drank in the delight of his lover’s expression. ‘Just- just stay here with me.’

Venom lowered himself back onto Kaz and nodded, nuzzling his neck as he went.

‘Ok, darling,’ he murmured softly. ‘Ok.’ Kaz sighed in satisfaction, splaying his hand over the small of Venom’s back.

‘Don’t leave me again.’

‘Ok.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SO ENDS PART I
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! This chapter is dedicated to enthusiastic consent. 
> 
> Again, smut still feels like relatively new territory for me and I didn't want this one to be too explicit, but I hope it was still OK! Also been listening to some atmospheric music which probably rubbed off on the writing style. Oops.
> 
> I wish I could draw, I would *love* a picture of V and Kaz kissing while V is standing and Kaz is draped around him. Oh well. I think it's a nice image- hope you do too.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below or say hi on tumblr at:
> 
> cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com


	8. About Kaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyprus 1984 and Snake sets to work on sharing his closest memories with a comatose Venom.

#### PART II

**Dhekelia SBA Memorial Hospital, Cyprus 1984**

Ocelot tapped the empty syringe idly. He found himself frowning slightly at what had just transpired. He was more than used to injecting people, brainwashing them- he even took a strange pleasure from the control he knew he had over so many. But seeing that face; another man entirely (and to Ocelot, a stranger), yet so familiar, it was just… unsettling. He took a deep breath and shook the idea from his mind. He straightened up his gait. This was for Big Boss. This was his job and, at any rate-  
‘We’re almost finished, Big Boss,’ he drawled as he entered the corridor. ‘One more session and your phantom should be ready. He has your muscle memory, your instincts. Now he just needs…’

Snake, who was leaning on the wall, nodded knowingly at Ocelot.

‘I guess this could take a while,’ concluded Ocelot. Snake’s face seemed hesitant at first, but then, another nod. Ocelot’s expression remained unchanged, deliberate and very much aware of the difficulty facing Big Boss. There was a hint of triumph and pride in his voice. ‘He should be flat out. Tell him what he needs to know- I’ve made sure that it should all sink in. By the end, he won’t even remember his own name.’

‘Ocelot- ‘Snake warned, his voice austere.

‘He gave his life up for you the moment he threw himself in front of the blast. Without you, his life is nothing, and this world is nothing.’ Ocelot paused. He edged in closer towards Snake to look him in the eye. Snake had always known that Ocelot was a strange, strange man. Having always been treacherous, there were very, very few times one could tell what Ocelot truly meant when he spoke. This was an exception. For the first time in a long time, Ocelot’s voice was sincere.

‘The world needs Big Boss. He knew that, we all know that. Do not falter, John. The world needs you.’

Snake met Ocelot’s stare, silently acquiescing. Ocelot bowed his head and stepped aside, motioning for Snake to step into Venom’s hospital room.

‘Ocelot, I’m going to need some space for this one.’

Ocelot raised his eyebrows slightly. Given all that Ocelot and Snake had been through recently, he was disappointed that the legendary soldier still had boundaries that were still closed off from him. But Ocelot knew that he could not let that show. Instead, he simply raised his eyebrows admonishingly.

‘If you say so, Boss. Just let me know when you’re done.’ Ocelot turned and made his way down the corridor as Snake prepared himself for going in to see his phantom. He took a deep breath and entered the room.

Ocelot was not exaggerating the work that he had done on Venom. Emaciated, scarred, Venom looked frail enough to begin with. But now, as he lay silently and still in his hospital bed, Venom’s mind was entirely pliant. Snake bit back any feelings of guilt that he had, reminding himself of Ocelot’s words.

_The world needs Big Boss._

‘Well,’ began Snake, sitting down on the chair beside Venom, ‘I guess this is going to be different than what we’ve talked about before, Vin.’ He paused. Venom breathed steady beside Snake, his mind in a trance.

‘God, I can’t believe I’ve got to do this,’ Snake muttered to himself, running a hand through his thick hair, tugging at it softly in frustration. ‘But I suppose if you’re going to be a convincing double, there’s one person you need to know about. And one person you’re going to have a lot of difficulty convincing if we don’t get this right.’ He sighed. His voice was low and strained.

‘I know you know who I’m talking about, Vin. And I’ve seen the way you looked at him. I know your thoughts and desires. I know what you wanted, because frankly I was the same. But you already knew that.

‘I suppose what you’re going to hear isn’t going to be easy for you. But you’ve got to know.’ He let out a wry chuckle. ‘And I guess given what I know you’ve been through, acting as me, to him, will come pretty naturally to you.’ His brief façade broke. He lowered his eyes in thought.

‘So, about Commander Miller,’ he began. ‘About Kaz’.

****  
**Costa Rica 1973**

‘Approaching Motherbase’ cracked the voice over the radio.

Kaz scowled and pushed his sleeves up his arms as he got ready to storm over to the launchpad. He was furious. Kaz had just about gotten used to Snake’s strange behaviour. The man, after all, was a labyrinth of issues; that much, to Kaz, was clear. Deliberately coming up with extra paper work for Kaz so he wouldn’t be able to go out with the other men on their nights off (Yes, Kaz knew _exactly_ what his boss was doing)? Fine. Hovering over Kaz unnecessarily as he worked at his desk or when he trained? No problem. Taking every opportunity to outdo Kaz training, the almost childlike pleasure he got from grappling Kaz, holding him just a little bit too long, touching him just a little too closely? Confusing, sure, but hell, Kaz could even find a way to enjoy it, physical contact with anyone else becoming increasingly rare. But this? This was a step too far and Kaz was furious.

He strode straight out of his office, uncharacteristically leaving his paperwork, the radio, everything in a mess as it was. His walk was deliberate and he gritted his teeth and made his way towards the whirring of the helicopter as it came down.

‘Commander, I’ve got these-‘

‘-Not now, Vin, sorry’ interrupted Kaz, not once taking a break from his stride towards the helipad. His eyes focused on the helicopter as it lowered, burning beneath his aviators.

‘Sir,’ replied Vincent, taking the hint and giving Kaz a quick salute as he watched the younger man stomp away. 

A small crowd of men gathered in a neat line around the helipad, all enthusiastic to greet their boss on his return from what was, yet again, a very successful mission.

‘Welcome back, boss!’

‘Amazing work, boss!’ 

‘This is why you’re the legend, boss!’

An excited buzz surrounded the men as Snake, bold and triumphant, a cocksure smile branded across his lips, jumped down from the helicopter. He took a moment to nod at each of the men, basking in his glory and the heat of the Costa Rican sun. Snake couldn’t deny it. He was on such a high- he was the _legendary_ soldier. He felt the power in his being- his technique in the field was without fault, his flair flowed from instinct without any second thought. He was the legendary soldier, the northern star around which all of MSF, all of the excitement in all of these soldiers’ lives revolved. He felt invincible. He looked up from his reverie.

From behind the crowd of men Kaz stood tall, arms folded, unimpressed. Silhouetted against the afternoon sunlight, a long, imposing shadow twined from Kaz’s strong figure. A soft breeze surged through them, tousling Kaz’s collar and strands of his golden hair as his expression remained stony and unwavering. Taking his time with his men, Snake broke through the rabble and ambled confidently towards the younger man. 

‘My office. Now,’ he growled. Kaz’s voice was quiet, but low and deathly. It was abundantly clear that Kaz would not repeat himself. 

‘Good to see you too, Kaz,’ he purred, looking up at the taller man as they stood close together. He ran a coy glance over Kaz and grinned at him coquettishly. Kaz’s disposition remained unchanged. Beneath his glasses Kaz’s eyes seared with an anger contained only for want of not exploding in front of the staff. Kaz walked wordlessly to his office, Snake sauntering behind.

‘Shut the door,’ ordered Kaz as they entered the room. Kaz leaned back against his desk, running a frustrated hand through his hair and, folding his arms sternly, glared at the older man.

‘Care to explain what the fuck happened out there, Boss?’ he began, his words steady, his fury simmering.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kaz,’ replied Snake playfully, taking a strange pleasure from seeing his subcommander so tightly strung. Something in his mind couldn’t help but want to tease him.

‘Cut the crap, Snake. I am not happy with you.’ Snake watched as Kaz’s chest heaved steadily. His nostrils flared with every deep breath, and his full lips curved downwards in a soft, unintended pout. Snake knew that he had upset the younger man, but in the back of his mind could not help but find him delightful. He glanced at the man standing before him.

‘Come on, Kaz,’ he teased, ‘I got the job done, didn’t I? 

‘Bullshit,’ Kaz retorted immediately.

‘Don’t you trust me?’

‘Anything could have happened.’

‘Kaz, why don’t you calm down, just relax-’ started Snake, reaching an arm out to comfort the younger man.

‘-no,’ interrupted Kaz, immediately batting away Snake’s hand. ‘Don’t you _dare_ patronise me, Snake.’ Kaz did not yell, at pains to remain dignified and authoritative, but his voice began to crack with white rage. ‘Don’t you dare. I don’t care who you are, you do not just switch off your radio during a mission.’

‘Kaz, come on-‘

‘No!’ he burst. ‘Do you realise how dangerous that is? Having you just straight up disappear like that? What the fuck happened?’

Snake remained silent. He knew exactly what happened, but couldn’t bring himself to answer Kaz. Instead he kept his neutral, playful expression.

‘You realise you were being tailed by the enemy, right? You realise they had snipers hidden and ready to fire the second you broke cover? You were this close, Snake, this close to getting sniped. Do you realise that?’

‘Kaz, please, of course I noticed him, don’t be ridiculous?’

‘And the one behind you? The ones to your left at ten o’clock and seven o’fucking clock?’

Snake remained silent.

‘No, of course you didn’t. Of course you fucking didn’t!’ Kaz let out a long exhasperated sigh. ‘But of course if you just kept your comms equipment on, kept your radio on I could have passed on this intel. I don’t know what the fuck you were thinking dropping off the radar like that. One mistake, Snake, one mistake and you would have been gone.’ His voice splintered. ‘This base, these men, _our_ men depend on you, how dare you.’

Snake blinked slowly at Kaz as he was being told off. Although Snake was 11 years his senior, he felt like a child being yelled at. This behaviour was obvious insubordination, but he could not bring himself to answer the younger man. For Snake, it was easier to just let him continue, he knew he didn’t have the words to explain. Another long sigh. Kaz shook his head and rubbed his eyebrows in frustration.

‘Fuck,’ sighed Kaz, ‘I can’t even bring myself to look at you, I’m so mad.’ He pushed himself off of his desk and began gathering a few of his things. ‘I need a breather.’  
He began to make his way out of his office, pausing briefly as he passed Snake. He stood close to the older man, staring ardently. At this close distance, Snake could just about make out the clear azure of Kaz’s eyes from behind the barriers of his aviators. Kaz’s face was still stern, and tense with anger, but Snake could see a flicker of concern behind Kaz’s glare. Snake noticed the faintest quiver in Kaz’s in the curve of his lips and momentarily could not help but stare, fixated.

Kaz’s voice was tender but entirely unyielding. ‘I don’t know what kind of bullshit is going on in that head of yours,’ he spat quietly, ‘but this has got to stop. I see that ‘big man’ act you’ve got going on, and I can see right through it. You might be able to fool all of the other men, but you can’t fool me. And I know that behind all of that there is something’s wrong. Whatever it is, sort it out.’ Kaz lingered for a moment, his austere stare softened almost imperceptibly. Snake was frozen; he couldn’t speak. He ran his eyes over Snake one last time and walked away. Snake’s eye scanned the outline of Kaz as he watched him leave. The sunlight hazed around that tall silhouetted figure. Every inch of Snake’s being wanted to follow the younger man as he walked away, but pride and ultimately Kaz’s obvious need for space held him back.

‘And get the fuck out of my office!’ Kaz called as he left.

***  
**Dhekelia SBA Memorial Hospital, Cyprus 1984**

‘You didn’t know it then,’ spoke Snake as Venom lay beside him on his bed, ‘but you were having panic attacks.’ He paused. ‘Don’t worry, don’t worry. You don’t have them now.’

That was a lie.

‘But you had them then. It started out small. You just assumed you were losing focus. You’d be alone somewhere out on the field, and the air would just be a bit too quiet, the breeze just a little too soft. Your heart would start thudding, and not in a good way, not like with Kaz. Not like the adrenaline rush we get when we’re in battle. But like—like a whirlwind. Like there’s a small moth in your chest at the start. And it just catches your breath. 

‘But not like with Kaz. That’s different. Because instead of feeling good, that-that bursting rush you just, you-‘ Snake paused and let out a sigh. ‘ _Fuck_.’ He knew that this depended on him speaking candidly, but to Snake this felt absurd. 

‘You panic. Like a little girl. Your chest clamps up and suddenly you’re suffocating like you’re imploding, like all the air is being sucked out of you and you can’t control it. But,’ he continued. ‘But you got good at spotting it was going to happen. _Too good_. You knew your own tell-tale signs. So you would switch off your radio, and stagger over to somewhere safe and out of sight. And you’d just let it wash over you. Like a whirlwind. 

‘That’s how you explain it to Kaz, when you eventually pull yourself together and tell him why you turned off the radios. A whirlwind. And trust me, that takes a while. Kaz is one of the only people you ever connected with. And without him you- you struggle.

‘You spoke with Kaz in a way you’d never spoken to anyone before. You felt open and raw. Bare. But he’s not your babysitter. And he’s definitely not your shrink. He doesn’t deserve that.’ He paused. 'He doesn't deserve this.'

‘But, after you kiss, and after all that confusion melted away.’ He swallowed, thinking of the man that he adored, his chest tightening at the thought of what was to come for him and for them. ‘There was something there. There was something.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duudes sorry if the title is misleading. It's kinda about him? Anyways, this is the start of Part 2, hope you enjoyed!  
> Sorry if this feels a bit fillery and is late, I'm not entirely sure how to split up the rest of what's to come. That and I've been distracted by college/another fic idea (heads up for Solimiller fans). But yeah, this is mostly set up for what's to come next, hope it wasn't too boring as a result! :( I promise there's porn on the way, just bear with :P
> 
> Also, I can't help but read the line 'That was a lie' in the Arrested Development voice. Oops.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr. Always happy to say hey.
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/


	9. An Evening in the Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake tries to distract himself after his argument with Kaz.  
> A surprise encounter, however, gives the night an interesting turn.

For the rest of the afternoon after Kaz had left Snake in his office, Snake made a conscious effort to avoid his subcommander. Not that that would have been very difficult given that, as Kaz had made abundantly clear, Kaz had no interest in seeing any more of Snake for a while. 

Although Snake knew that Kaz had every right to be angry with him, he could not help but feel irked. After all, Kaz was young. Arrogant. Snake was rarely ever confronted by his own men, but by someone in his twenties? What would he know about how things worked on the field? Snake shut himself away in his room for a while, intending idly to catch up with any paperwork of mission or, at least, distract himself from his mood.

He scrawled annotations over his briefing file messily in pencil. His writing must have been illegible to anyone other than Snake. Good he thought, absent mindedly. One more thing to wind up Kaz, who’d have to review these post mission. He thought of Kaz hunched over his desk, squinting and frowning at the letters in his stupid sunglasses, cursing to himself in Japanese, frustrated. He smiled to himself. Serves him right for being such a neat freak.

After all, why did everything about Kaz have to be so finely put together? With his irritatingly well fitted uniform, personalized just enough for him to look smart but nonchalant; hair stylish and perfectly coiffed back; that stupid little scarf knotted around that long neck (in the Costa Rican climate? What was the kid thinking?); that silver watch hanging lazily from his wrist as if to say he knows exactly what time it is and if he’s late it’s entirely deliberate. Everything about him so preppy, so bloody deliberate. Vain.

What was wrong like looking like the rest of us? So what if Snake let his beard grow wild, why did Kaz have to shave so meticulously? Why was his skin so smooth and sunkissed? He huffed. The kid was young, that was all. Young and inexperienced, he had no idea what it meant to fight properly. And stupid, Snake added, sulking. Snake mooted the idea of Kaz in his late thirties: skin littered with wrinkles; bright youthful eyes dimmed; muscles not as taut as they once were; his hair, unstyled and a mess; stubble colonizing that proud chin. Snake laughed lightly to himself. And with all that office work he’d be doing for Snake, Kaz could kiss goodbye to that perfect playboy body of his too, unless he worked out a lot. Then maybe he’d understand how Snake felt. What it meant to grow old and let go. He huffed again, amused at the idea of Kaz with a stomach. 

Niggling thoughts of Kaz tossed themselves in Snake’s mind as he scanned the mission briefing papers. It irritated Snake that he couldn’t clear his thoughts on the task and just focus. Even if he enjoyed indulging these petty thoughts, Snake was mature enough to realise that this wasn’t fair. Ultimately, and as much as Snake’s stubborn mind hated to admit this, Kaz was right. He was being reckless. And that wasn’t fair on the men. Their men.

Only, what could Snake do? There was no chance of him talking to anyone about it, even Kaz. Just thinking about how it felt, the fear, the shame. What would the Boss think if she was around to see the mess that he had become? Of course, this never happened when she was around. It was times like this when he really missed her guidance. What would she do? What would she say?

And to make matters worse, there was Kaz. He pressed his pencil harder onto the paper. Snake found himself more and more idly thinking about Kaz. Kazuhira: young, tall, pretty boy. Kazuhira: blonde, preppy, promiscuous. Kazuhira: bright, precocious, right. He frowned as he tried to push out these thoughts as they floated around his head. His pencil snapped. He looked up at the window. The work must have occupied Snake’s mind as, without him noticing, the sun had already set and the indigo glow of the evening was settling over the camp. Snake let out a long, frustrated groan. 

Clearly office work was not a suitable distraction. How did Kaz manage to do this 24/7? He shoved his papers away in a drawer and, grabbing his things, made his way to the gym.

***

Given that money was still scarce for MSF, the gym was basic and make shift, both Snake and Kaz agreeing that fitness levels and skill were best tested and perfected in training sessions. Nonetheless, they managed to collect enough equipment to create their own gym, inside a large abandoned hall on the site, large enough to grant whoever was using it some rare privacy.

Snake ambled through the weights, casually wondering what he should work on when the sound of a thud, hastened footsteps and an aggressive banging from behind him caught his attention. He raised his eye and caught the reflection of a dimmed light in the window in front of him. He turned and cast his gaze over to the far side of the gym where he could see the outline of a figure using a punch bag. It was Kaz.

Reluctant to interrupt the younger man, and oddly enticed by what he saw before him, Snake remained where he was, obscured by the shadows of the evening. Kaz had clearly been training for a while. His towel was thrown in a muddle on the floor beside the punch bag. Kaz had swapped his usual uniform for loose sweatpants tied low around his hips and a t-shirt which clung to his chest, drenched. His hair fell to the sides of his face, tousled around his dark glasses. His mouth hung open, bottom lip full and pouting as he frowned and punched forward with attack and vigour, his legs, lunged in the perfect stance; strong, ready to pounce.

Bang… Bang... Bang… Bang.

Even Snake, who presumably had the most forceful punch of all the men, was taken aback with the aggression and focus in Kaz’s hits. He leaned back against the wall and watched with a curious admiration. Kaz continued until his rep was complete and then paused, stretching his back, pulling his arm over his head casually.

‘I know you’re there, Snake,’ he called, not bothering to turn around and face his boss. Snake folded his arms and chuckled, coming forward.

‘Guess I’m not so good without my sneaking suit, huh?’ he joked as he approached the younger man. Kaz grabbed his towel and began to towel off the sweat from his face and his hair. He tossed the towel aside and turned to face the older man, his hair disheveled.

‘Well, perhaps I’m just very astute.’

‘In those glasses, Commander?’ purred Snake, smirking, secretly relived that Kaz had calmed down from his anger before. Kaz shook his head and crossed his arms, the sides of his lips tugging into half a grin.

‘What do you want, Boss?’

‘Actually,’ admitted Snake, ‘I came here to work out alone, but’ he trailed off as he ran his eye over his subcommander.

‘By all means, don’t let me stop you,’ retorted Kaz, dryly. ‘I’ve been here all afternoon, I don’t mind giving you space.’

‘No-‘ blurted Snake, slightly too quickly for his own comfort. ‘Keep going, I shouldn’t kick you out.’

‘It’s alright, I was going to get back to my papers anyway,’ replied Kaz, a hint of hesitation colouring his tone. Sensing this, Snake capitalised on his opportunity.

‘Come on,’ teased Snake, ‘spar with me instead.’ Kaz smiled slightly and raised his eyebrow.

‘Boss, with all due respect, if that’s just an excuse to kick my ass, I see right through it,’ he answered playfully. 

‘Well, you got me there, Kaz,’ Snake laughed, genuine and deep, ‘come on, indulge me.’ He waved his subcommander towards him. 

Kaz rolled his eyes behind his aviators and reluctantly prepared himself. Snake lunged forwards.

Grab, kick, thud. Kaz was on the floor.

‘Get up,’ commanded Snake. ‘You’re not even trying.’ Kaz got up and returned to his position. Snake was right. Kaz would rather put in minimal effort than risk the embarrassment of being fully beaten by Snake. 

‘I’m going to come at you, Kaz, and I want you to block or avoid it. Ok?’

‘Ok Boss.’

Snake pounced forwards. Kaz slid sideways, catching Snake’s hand as it swung towards him. The two men stood in their positions, hand in hand, each trying to push the other’s arm aside. Eventually, Kaz relented and bang. Kaz was on the floor.

‘You’re pretty good,’ mumbled Snake. As much as Kaz hated to admit it, there was something about being complimented by Snake that gave him a jolt of delight. ‘But you know better than that, don’t reach for the hand, go for the arm.’

‘I know, I know, I just keep forgetting that you’re-‘ Kaz’s voice trailed off.

‘What is it, Kaz?’ Kaz frowned slightly, wary of embarrassing the older man. ‘Kaz,’ growled Snake impatiently.

‘I’m taller than you,’ admitted Kaz. ‘Usually I can adapt to whoever I’m with, but with you, it’s a bit different. I just forget, that’s all.’

‘You bastard,’ chuckled Snake, diving forwards and flooring Kaz again. 

‘Hey, that’s not fair!’ laughed Kaz from below.

‘Shut up,’ replied Snake instantly.

‘Very mature of you, Boss,’ retorted Kaz, getting up and dusting off his sweatpants. ‘I’d expect more from someone who’s what, forty?’ Kaz grinned boyishly, relishing winding up Snake.

‘Oh you’re going to pay for that, pretty boy,’ Snake growled playfully. At that, the men fell into a natural pattern of exchanging and blocking each other’s blows, both holding their ground. As they grappled, Kaz watched Snake’s movement’s carefully. Although he was loathe to show it now, Kaz was in awe of Snake’s skill. As much as he hated Snake’s arrogant ‘big man’ act, he had to admit that Snake was by far, the best. His movements were strong and animal, but precise, flowing so naturally from instinct. As if his highly technical actions were without any thought. Except...

Dodge, grab, thud. Snake was on the floor. 

Snake shook his head in confusion, watching the taller man standing above him. He propped himself up on his elbows and got back up, trying to hide his shock at what had just transpired.

‘Well done,’ he spat to the younger man. Kaz just nodded silently and resumed his position, ready for another round. Again the men swung at each other.

Swipe, duck, grab, thud. Snake was on the floor. This happened another two, three, four times, each time alarmingly increasing speed, until Kaz decided that he’d had enough.

‘Right,’ he concluded, offering a hand to help Snake up, ‘I think I’ll call it a night.’ Snake reluctantly grabbed Kaz’s arm and hauled himself up as Kaz began to walk away.

‘Hang on, Kaz,’ said Snake, dazed by his recent defeat. ‘Aren’t you going to tell me what just happened?’

‘We grappled,’ Kaz replied flatly. ‘That’s all.’ Kaz grabbed his towel and began ruffling his hair nonchalantly.

‘But, how? You-’ stuttered Snake, following the younger man. Kaz chuckled and turned around to face Snake, tilting his head and looking at Snake over his aviators. His lips widened to a small, coy smile. 

‘You have a tell, Snake,’ answered Kaz. ‘I just needed time to figure it out. But it’s an easy give away.’

‘A tell?’ parroted Snake. ‘Well, what is it? Tell me!’

‘And risk losing every time we grapple?’ chuckled Kaz, gathering his things. ‘I think I’ll pass.’

‘Kaz, but what if the enemy-‘

‘The enemy doesn’t know you like I do, Snake,’ cut in Kaz. He slung his bag over his shoulder and smiled kindly at the older man. ‘Don’t worry; keep your radio on and you’ll be fine.’ Snake blinked wordlessly at the younger man.

‘Well,’ settled Kaz, running a quick glance over Snake. ’Goodnight, Boss.’ Snake’s mouth hung open as he watched Kaz walk away. His head was spinning. He just stood there, staring blankly at the empty space that Kaz had once occupied. 

***

Snake paced back and forth around the path outside the gym, his feet carrying him around the base absent mindedly. Shaky hands lit a cigar that hung idly in his mouth as he puffed on it in short, shallow breathes, a vain attempt to calm himself down.

It was a clear, cloudless evening. Idle chatter could be heard in the distance as the men gathered around the mess hall for dinner, leaving this part of the camp empty. The moonlight bathed the camp below, the buildings glowing in a soft silver blush. A gentle breeze caressed the trees above and carried idle ashes from the tip of Snake’s cigar. Dying embers bounced in the wind and flickered out.

Snake’s mind was frantic. Thoughts, images of the past few months and years kaleidoscoped through his head: chest heaving on the battlefield; fingers brushing the off switch on his radio; the Boss, fingers brushing Snake’s sleeve as she let out a final sigh; Snake sighing, muscles tensing in the bathtub; Kaz sighing, muscles tensing with the faceless women; whirlwinds rising in his chest; Kazuhira Miller, walking away.

Kazuhira Miller, walking away.

Snake’s feet stopped their walking as his path was interrupted by a soft amber light gleaming from a window. It was Kaz’s office. He must have been working. Snake’s scatter-brained ambling must have lead him here subconsciously. 

Kaz’s office, like most of the buildings at this camp, was a very basic wooden cabin. It was raised from the ground, a few steps leading to his door. Snake, moving entirely on instinct, without any thought in his head found himself drawn up the stairs to Kaz’s door. He felt the wood creak softly below his boots as he stepped forward. His pulse was racing, his mouth went dry. Ashes cascaded gently from his cigar as he let it fall from his mouth and instinctively stubbed it out with his boot. Shallow breaths pushed out the last of the smoke, coiling over his lips as they hung open. In a daze, he raised his arm, ready to knock on Kaz’s door.

What was he doing? He blinked and froze, pulling himself out of his trance. He yanked his hand down, shaking his head. He didn’t even know what he would say if Kaz answered the door. How he would explain why he was there? What he wanted from Kaz. He didn’t even know what he wanted, but a strange magnetism luring him in. He shook his head again.

‘This is ridiculous,’ he muttered to himself as he began to turn away when. The creak of Kaz’s door stopped him in his tracks. Kaz stepped out of his office, looking up and discovering his boss at his door. 

‘Snake?’ he asked in confusion. ‘Sorry, I was just about to leave.’ A pause. ‘But if you need something I can hang around a little longer.’ Snake turned and stared at the younger man, his tall frame silhouetted against the light within. Kaz had showered and changed back into his usual uniform. Amber light flooded onto the wooden steps below him, just above Snake. 

Snake’s mind began to whir in a silence that felt like an eternity between the men. His chest tightened as his brain motored in panic as he felt himself begin to fragment and float away in the whirlwind of his thoughts.

‘Snake?’ repeated the younger man. That light, low voice echoed in his mind and anchored his thoughts. He felt the pieces of himself fall back into place. Snake’s mind went blank. 

He looked at Kaz with perfect clarity.

‘Snake?’ 

Stepping out his disorder and towards the younger man, Snake reached a hand out to Kaz and, cupping his face with his large steady hand, pushed Kaz back into his office with a deep, powerful kiss. In his surprise, Kaz stumbled backwards under the weight and attack of the older man. The door swung shut behind them.

Immediately, Snake grabbed the lapels of Kaz’s jacket with his free hand and pinned the younger man against the wall as he continued his attack. Snake’s kiss was a mess, utterly void of any skill or finesse, but wild with pure desire, his lips and teeth hounding at Kaz’s lips. Snake dragged his hand over Kaz’s jaw and tangled his fingers in Kaz’s soft curls, tugging hard to keep him in his spot as he devoured his subcommander’s generous mouth. With his other hand, he pulled at Kaz’s trousers, feverishly yanking at his buttons to grant him access to his underwear.

Throughout his, Kaz was frozen in utter shock. His muscles tensed as he felt his boss’s weight hold him in place and he felt himself suffocate.

‘Boss, wait,’ he found himself protesting, his voice muffled through Snake’s lips. Snake continued. ‘Boss- stop- Snake!’ He managed to snap out of his arrested state long enough to grab Snake by the back of his shirt and pull him off. He looked at the man in front of him. Snake was a mess, his lips shimmering with spit, red from the force of his kiss. His mouth hung open, lusty, as his whole body heaved with burning passion. Having had a moment to breathe and process the situation Kaz could feel his own desire growling within him too. The two men stood there, breaths deep and animal, engrossed in their swelling hunger. 

The tension broke. 

Kaz lept onto Snake, hurling him to the ground and kissing him vehemently, knocking his aviators off his nose. He removed his glasses and tossed them aside carelessly, impatient and eager to get closer to the older man. Had Snake been less caught up in his current embrace he might have stopped to admire the rare sight of Kaz’s unguarded face. But this was not the time.

It was abundantly clear that Kaz was an experienced lover. Despite being rough with tempestuous lust, he moved with a skill and rhythm that Snake could not begin to fathom. Breaking the flow of their kiss, Kaz sucked hard on Snake’s bottom lip. Strong, deliberate hands pressed against Snake, fingers trailing over his jaw, his shoulder, digging their tips down his back. Kaz’s hips pulsed against Snake’s beneath him, driving him into the ground and wild with friction. Snake let out a large moan and arched his back in response, Kaz using this to trace his mouth down Snake’s neck. Kaz brought his hands up along Snake’s waist, tugging at his shirt.

Snake, whose hands hung by his sides, his fingers clawing at the floor in pleasure, returned his attack. Seizing Kaz’s wrists, he overpowered the younger man, flipping him onto his back with a large thud. Kaz gasped in response. Snake shifted his weight to his arms, which he had locked above Kaz’s capturing his subcommander beneath him, pinning him down by his wrists. He dove in for another kiss, rolling his powerful hips against Kaz’s erratically and feeling Kaz’s growing hardness beneath him.  
Kaz moaned against his mouth as they wrestled for control of each other’s body. He struggled below his boss, his hands desperate to continue their frenzied wandering. He bit down on Snake’s bottom lip and tugged at his mouth, eliciting a pained grunt of pleasure as he stretched out Snake’s lip. Kaz opened his mouth, releasing him and playfully hovered the tip of his tongue over the seam of Snake’s mouth. 

‘Get on the desk,’ commanded Snake, growling at the younger man beneath him. ‘Now.’ Kaz casted a quick, wordless glace to Snake’s hands and hips, which were currently anchoring him firmly to the floor. In response, Snake grabbed Kaz by the front of his shirt and yanked up Kaz’s torso. Crushing the fabric of Kaz’s shirt, he pulled up the younger man and threw him back on his desk. Snake immediately began working on Kaz’s trousers, making quick work of his zipper and fervently wrenching down Kaz’s trousers and boxers. Kaz lifted himself as Snake dragged his underwear over the curve of Kaz’s ass and unceremoniously planted himself back on the desk, muddling the papers below him.  
Snake immediately lunged at Kaz, seizing his now freed dick and wasting no time in jerking him off erratically. Kaz curled his body inwards, rewarding Snake with an eager kiss. Snake moved his lips over Kaz’s jaw and chin and buried his face in his neck, loosening Kaz’s scarf with his teeth and sucking at biting at Kaz’s sensitive skin. Kaz threw his head back and moaned in breathless delight as his hands gripped the desk in desperation. Papers crumpled beneath his fingertips. 

Casting a glance upwards at the younger man, Snake knelt down on his knees and before Kaz could fathom, he could feel the scratch of Snake’s beard against his inner thigh. Kaz instinctively tensed his thighs, momentarily pushing into his boss’s face. Snake raised himself, letting go of Kaz’s dick to grab Kaz’s leg and hook them over his shoulders so that he could lift Kaz slightly and grant himself access to Kaz’s ass. Kaz wrapped his legs around the older man’s neck, pulling him inwards.

Snake plunged a messy, chaotic kiss over Kaz’s asshole, driving his tongue instinctively inside Kaz. Kaz gasped and jolted in shock, but Snake was relentless. He hammered his tongue deeper and deeper, roughly twisting and turning inside him, unlocking all of Kaz’s pent up desire. His lips locked around Kaz’s entrance, sucking him raw. Kaz’s chest heaved as he panted at the sensation, arching his whole body backwards until he was sprawled upon his desk, pulsing his hips at Snake’s touch. On impulse, Kaz brought a hand to his dick to touch himself when Snake immediately grasped his hands, crushing them firmly on the desk, twining their fingers together.  
Wary in the back of his mind of making too much noise, Kaz bit his lip to silence himself as best as he could. Instead he scrunched his eyes shut and took deep, desperate breaths. 

Even if Kaz had fooled around with a lot of women, it had been a long time since he had ever felt something like this, and even then, he had never had a partner so wild with lust. Still clothed, flushed and collapsed upon his desk, he felt like he was being devoured by the older man; as if with every suck Snake was drinking, draining every last morsel of Kaz’s self control. Kaz’s pulse rushed. His brain short circuited. He could feel the tension billow and swell inside of him, a long moan ready to escape from his lips when-

-A knock at the door. Snake stopped immediately. Another knock. Snake pushed himself off of the younger man as Kaz scrambled to pull up his pants.

‘Commander Miller?’ The men looked at each other, panicked.

‘Fuck,’ spat Kaz under his breath, frantically trying to tidy the crumpled papers on his desk and running a hand through his ruffled hair.

‘J-Just a second,’ called Kaz, trying his best to sound composed. ‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck.’ Snake brushed himself down, rearranging his trousers as best as he could to hide his erection.

Kaz made his way over to the door.

‘Yes?’

‘Commander, I’ve,’ started Vincent, standing innocently at Kaz’s door, oblivious. He paused.

‘Umm, Commander?’ he began. Kaz frowned, irritated.

‘What, what is it?’

‘Your glasses?’ replied Vincent, earnestly.

‘My glasses?’

‘Yes, Commander.’ Kaz brought a hand up to his face and realised that his eyes were completely unguarded since he’d flung them on the floor in the throes of lust. He turned back into his room, casting a panicked look to Snake. Snake, taking Kaz’s cues began to look for the glasses, finding them on the floor and kicking them unceremoniously under the desk and out of sight. Kaz glared at Snake, who shrugged in response.

‘Commander, are you alright?’ continued Vincent.

‘Yes, yes,’ snapped Kaz, ‘I’m just fine, thank you. I’m not wearing my glasses tonight, Vin, I don’t need to wear them 24/7.’ That was a lie.

Vincent looked at his commander briefly, perplexed by his strange behavior, but shrugged it off.

‘Commander, I’ve got those reports you wanted on the progress of the medical team. I noticed your light was on, do you have a quick moment for me to run them by you?’

Kaz furrowed his eyebrows, remembering how rude he had been to him earlier and, of course, the urgency of the reports. He cast a quick apologetic glance back at Snake.

‘Sure thing, Vin,’ sighed Kaz, ‘just give me a minute to finish things off here with Boss.’ He opened the door wider, revealing Snake, who was leaning on Kaz’s desk.  
Vincent, who had been unaware that Snake was in the office, suddenly stiffened.

‘Oh sorry, I had no idea I was disturbing you,’ he started, immediately. ‘I can always come back later if you’re busy, or-’.

‘It’s fine,’ cut in Snake, standing up off the desk. ‘Good evening, Medic.’

‘Good evening, Boss.’

Kaz nodded to Vincent, inviting him in. ‘Take a seat, I’ll see Snake out.’ Vincent nodded obediently, taking a seat, while Snake made his way to the door.

‘I’ll just be a second, Vin,’ said Kaz, before stepping out of his office with Snake. He shut the door behind him and leaned into the older man, Kaz’s breath ghosting Snake’s ear.

Kaz spoke with a low, lusty growl. ‘Do you want this to continue?’ He felt Snake nod gently against his lips. Kaz took Snake’s hand and pressed a small key into his palm.

‘This is my spare key. Come to my room at midnight.’ Kaz dug his nails into Snake’s hand and bit down lightly onto Snake’s ear. Snake let out a yielding sigh.

‘Don’t keep me waiting.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so long and rambly and, in parts, rushed! I've actually been sitting on most of this chapter for a while, just couldn't quite bring myself to finish some parts, so sorry if that shows in the writing!
> 
> But I did sneak a zeugma in there, so brownie points to whoever spots that.
> 
> I hope this is OK, for some reason I've been really down on this chapter- not sure why, though. And I'm also having wifi troubles so I'll come back and format this properly later and give it a better proofread, sorry!! I hope you enjoyed reading it at any rate. Thanks so much for your time!!
> 
> As always feel free to let me know your thoughts on the comments below or say hi on tumblr at:
> 
> cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com


	10. Leather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just porn. PW BB and Kaz finally bang. More explained in the notes.

Snake paused before he knocked on Kaz’s door. He glanced at the second hand on his watch, tense with anticipation. Ever since he had left Kaz’s office he had felt like he was in a daze, playing the events of that evening in his head until he couldn’t breathe. The fight, the gym, the kiss, the kiss, the kiss, the kiss.

And now his waiting was finally over. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _Midnight._

He ran his thumb over the spare key that Kaz had given him and knocked.

‘Kaz, it’s me.’ His mouth felt dry as idle cigar smoke fell from his lips. No response. He unlocked the door and with a shiftless click, the door opened. He entered Kaz’s room. A voice from across the room caught his attention.

‘Lock the door,’ commanded the voice from afar, low and silky. It was Kaz. Snake locked the door and turned around to survey the room. Dim candlelight flooded the room with a soft amber glow. He raised his stare to meet Kaz. To Snake’s surprise, Kaz looked very different.

Reclined nonchalantly against the sofa and wearing a half zipped up leather jacket, Kaz looked perfectly undone. Snake ran his eye slowly over the younger man. Heavy military boots, firmly on the floor as they brushed the against wood agonizingly slowly, legs spreading invitingly. Snake’s mouth opened slightly as he took in the vision before him. His cigar hung lifelessly. 

His eye traced over his legs, lingering for a moment on the bulge under the crotch of his leather trousers. His pulse raced. His jacket was unzipped just enough to showcase the top of his chest, collarbones poking out beneath the shadows. His shoulders slouched ever so slightly, Kaz looked effortlessly cool and indifferent and it drove Snake mad. He wanted to feel leather on skin. 

The light flickered gently. Shadows caressed the contours of Kaz’s face. Cheekbones beautifully defined, Kaz’s hair -curled, tousled, unstyled- framed his face. Thick, full lips lured Snake in. Eyes hidden behind Kaz’s aviators, Kaz’s glare still burned to the core of Snake. Snake stood where he was, staring. He gulped. He stepped forward in a haze, wood creaking below his weighty boots, hypnotized. His breath was shallowed as he felt the room around him blur as he stared, fixated on the siren before him.

Kaz raised his chin, stretching out his neck. ‘Come here,’ he ordered, quietly. His voice was deeper than his usual tenor, laced with a light breathiness and thick with lust. ‘ _Come to me._ ’ Kaz did not need to repeat himself. Desire wrapped its forcible tendrils around Snake and pulled him in.

Snake stood over the younger man as Kaz climbed back further on the sofa and beckoned him closer with his finger. Snake obeyed, slowly crawling on top of the blonde, his body shaking in anticipation. His breath was shallow. His mouth quivered as Kaz brought a hand to his face and ran his thumb over Snake’s bottom lip, tutting. He took Snake’s cigar from his mouth and, keeping perfect eye contact with the older man, took a deep, deliberate drag of his cigar, sucking on it ever so slightly. Kaz lifted up his chin, showing off his long, elegant neck. Exhaling leisurely, forming a perfect ‘o’ with his lips, Snake watched hungrily as silken, grey smoke coiled out of his wide mouth.

In faux petulance, Kaz pouted and regained eye contact with Snake, stubbing the cigar out bluntly in the ash tray beside them. 

‘None of that now,’ he purred, eyeing up Snake’s scarred lips. ‘That mouth is _mine._ ’ Kaz grabbed Snake’s shirt, pulling him down and crushing his lips against Snake’s in a deep, skillful kiss. Running his tongue from the seams of Kaz’s mouth, Snake could taste the bitter lingering cigar smoke and it felt divine. Snake let his hands wander over the man beneath him, squeezing at the sides of Kaz’s waist, crumpling the leather beneath him. His hands, damp with sweat, slid roughly over the material, moving lower and splaying over Kaz’s ass.

As they kissed both men pulsed their hips rhythmically, bodies twined together. Kaz spread his hands over Snake’s ass, grabbing it and pushing it to control Snake’s movements as he undulated above the younger man. Snake bit down on Kaz’s lip and moved his mouth over Kaz’s jawline, peppering his cheek with kisses and latching on to the skin beneath his ear, suck him hungrily. Snake was met with a rough, hard spank. He gasped in surprise and let go of the younger man. Kaz wove his fingers in the mess of Snake’s hair and pulled his head back so that he could look at him.

‘Ah ah ah,’ grinned Kaz, ‘no marks.’ He tugged at Snake’s hair again. ‘Unzip my jacket.’ 

He pushed Snake’s face into the crook of his neck, Snake responding immediately by kissing and nuzzling Kaz’s neck. Snake took a deep breath, inhaling on Kaz’s intoxicating scent, getting drunk on the mix of his raw, natural musk and his sweet, enthralling perfume. Mingled, of course, with the cutting smell of leather on skin. Kaz let out a long sigh as Snake exhaled his hot breath onto the sensitive skin of Kaz’s neck.

Kaz locked eyes with the younger man. Kissing Kaz over his collarbone, Snake drew his tongue over Kaz’s exposed chest and bit down onto the zipper of Kaz’s jacket, dragging it down slowly to reveal the rest of Kaz’s chest, ribs, abdomen. Reaching the end of the zip, Snake shook his head, growling, to separate the two sides of his jacket. Immediately, he buried his face into the younger man’s stomach, pushing hard onto the perfectly toned muscle below him. He pulled down roughly on Kaz’s trousers. working lower, biting and pulling gently on the start of Kaz’s pubic hair. Kaz bit his lip and scrunched his eyes at each pangs of pain.

As he began to start panting in delight, Kaz opened his eyes and gritted his teeth.

‘Get up,’ he directed. Snake continued his work on Kaz’s abdomen, running his tongue into the hollows of his hips. Another hard spank. ‘I said, get up.’ Snake, who was lost in the fragrance of Kaz’s body reluctantly obeyed, getting off his subcommander and standing in front of him as Kaz sat up on the sofa.

‘Get naked for me,’ Kaz instructed, running a lust filled glance over his commander. For a moment, Snake was taken aback, strangely self-conscious having never undressed seductively for anyone before. With a glint of hesitation in his eyes, he began to lift the sides of his shirt up slowly, unsure of what effect it would have on the mood.  
Kaz lay back on the sofa, stretching his arms out and clasping them behind his head as he watched Snake struggle with his task. His mouth widened into a broad smile.

‘I don’t need a striptease, Boss,’ chuckled Kaz, ‘I just need you naked right now. Can you do that for me?’ Snake’s eye widened in relief on hearing Kaz. Within seconds, Snake had pulled off his clothes and ready to pounce onto his subcommender when-

-‘ get onto the bed, Boss,’ continued Kaz. He smiled coquettishly at Snake. Snake froze, unable to comprehend the situation. Kaz rose from the sofa, shrugging off his jacket, letting it slide down his arms before gracefully tossing it aside. He stepped towards Snake and took his hand in his, leading him forwards. He looked at Snake directly in the eye over his aviators. Letting go of his hand, Kaz crawled backwards onto the bed, maintaining perfect eye contact.

‘Come to bed, Boss,’ Kaz said, arching his hips to lure Snake in. He leaned back and stretched out his neck. ‘ _Come to bed._ ’

In a trance, Snake climbed onto the bed beside the younger man, getting ready to plant another kiss on his body when Kaz pounced on him, setting Snake onto his back. Straddling the older man, Kaz drove a firm, intense kiss onto Snake, rolling his hips powerfully over Snake’s. Snake immediately let out a rough moan, sprawling onto the bed. He closed his eye, absorbed entirely by the feeling of Kaz’s leather trousers against the sensitive skin of his thighs and the dizzying friction on his dick. He began to pant heavily as Kaz bit his collarbone softly and worked his tongue up Snake’s neck, and nibbled his ear, breathing roughly. Kaz ran his large, strong hands over Snake’s shoulders and up Snake’s arms, fingers tracing his beautifully defined muscle. He laced his fingers with Snake’s and pushed his arms upwards over his head when suddenly-

- _Click_

Snake felt metal encase his wrists. He struggled gently and heard the unmistakable clang of handcuffs wrapped around the bedframe. Dammit Kaz. He wriggled again. Kaz chuckled against Snake’s neck and moved so that he was on all fours over Snake. He leaned his torso down onto Snake’s chest, arching his back and sticking out his ass so that his face was just below Snake’s chin.

‘Something wrong, Boss?’ he asked, smiling sweetly. Snake ran his eye over Kaz’s perfectly presented ass and simply growled.

‘You fucking tease,’ he snarled.

‘Oops,’ continued Kaz. ‘How about I propose a deal?’ He crawled closer to Snake and leaned his cheek against his. ‘I get to tie you down, and have a little fun with you.’ His breath was hot against Snake’s face. ‘And in return, if you’re a good boy, I’ll ride you and let you fuck my brains out till neither one of us can even crawl.’ Snake’s eye widened on hearing Kaz. He froze momentarily stuck in the idea of fucking Kaz into oblivion.

‘What do you say, Boss?’ Kaz uttered. Snake gulped and shook his head steadily. He felt Kaz’s mouth widen into a grin on his face as Kaz rewarded him with a rough squeeze on his ass. The bed sprung back up as Kaz momentarily left the bed, returning with a long length of rope twined around his knuckles.

‘Say, Boss,’ asked Kaz frivolously, ‘you ever heard of Shibari?’

Snake lowered his eyebrows. ‘What?’

Kaz let out a little sigh as he climbed back onto the bed and straddled Snake. ‘I guess I’ll keep this basic, then,’ he concluded, his voice slightly resigned, as he hooked the rope behind Snake’s neck and pulled him upwards for another kiss. Snake responded hungrily, kissing Kaz’s lips messily, impatient for more contact. A string of spit connected their lips as Kaz pulled away. Crossing the rope over his neck, Kaz began twining the rope around Snake’s body expertly. Kaz drew his teeth along Snake’s torso and abdomen as he lowered himself, bringing the rope between Snake’s legs. Snake gasped and yelped slightly in response.

‘You doing alright there, Boss?’ asked Kaz, pausing in genuine concern.

‘Yeah,’ he breathed, impatiently. ‘Just, hurry up, you’re driving me crazy.’

Kaz began weaving the rope around his body again. 

‘Well,’ Kaz chuckled, ‘that was the idea.’

‘Brat,’ spat Snake. Kaz yanked hard on the rope in response. Although the rope was soft, Snake cried out as it constricted around his body. 

‘Fuck me,’ he sighed, muscles tensing at the new sensations.

‘Haha we’ll leave that till another day,’ rhetorted Kaz. ‘I can’t be bothered to take you through all of that today. Now, I just want you to fuck me senseless.’ Snake groaned at the filth coming out of Kaz’s mouth.

‘Then why don’t you just let me,’ he replied. Kaz got up and smiled sweetly at Snake, twirling the leftover rope idly in his fingers.

‘Hmm,’ he started, ‘I guess it’s just because… I’m having too much fun fucking with you.’ He yanked on the rope again, earning another groan from Snake, and sank his teeth into Snake’s neck. ‘Now, are you gonna be a good boy for me, boss?’ he growled playfully. Snake moaned and shook his head wordlessly. He kissed Snake innocently on the lips, before grabbing Snake’s dick in his hands and leisurely beginning to jerk him off. He was rewarded with another drawn out sigh from Snake, whose chest began to heave at the contact.

Working his way down, Snake’s body, he paused at his chest and began to gnaw at the rope around his pecs, tensing the rope around Snake’s bound body. Smiling and making eye contact with Snake, he then moved his mouth around his nipple, sucking on it hard and running his tongue around it. Kaz grinned to himself as he heard the clanging of the handcuffs on the bed, Snake clearly struggling to hold down his pleasure as he was sucked and jerked off.

Kaz moved lower still, peppering Snake’s abdomen with light kisses as he eventually pressed his face on Snake’s inner thigh, giving Snake’s dick a cursory, teasing lick. He licked his lips.

‘Fuck, Kaz,’ sighed out Snake from above, squirming in his handcuffs. 

‘Mhmm?’ replied Kaz as he wrapped his lips around the head of Snake’s painfully erect cock, his noises vibrating against him. Snake writhed in response, unable to make out any coherent sentences. Idly sucking on his commander, his head bobbing up and down rhythmically, Kaz grabbed the bottle of lube that he had placed beside them in his hand and popped off the cap. He squirted some lube on his fingers and began to massage Snake’s asshole. He felt Snake gasp and visibly tense up at the surprise.  
‘You managing alright there, Boss?’ he asked, letting Snake’s dick pop out of his mouth.

‘Yeah, it’s just,’ stuttered Snake, ‘I thought you said we weren’t going to, you know…’ his voice trailed off.

‘Yeah, we won’t,’ replied Kaz, ‘but I thought I could just give you a feel for things, if you’d like.’ He paused, moving his hand away from Snake. ‘Would you like to… give it a try?’ 

Snake paused for a moment, before closing his eyes and nodding.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ he said, his voice tense with anxiety, ‘go for it.’ Kaz looked up at Snake and smiled sincerely.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,’ he answered, sincerely. ‘Besides,’ he continued, resuming his massaging of Snake’s asshole and lowering his face between Snake’s thighs, ‘I’m very, _very_ good at this.’ 

Kaz draped his lips over Snake’s cock, hollowing out his cheeks as he sucked him with more fervor. Snake’s breathing became more and more ragged with pleasure. Kaz pressed his finger against Snake’s entrance and slid his finger in. Snake gasped in response, but was soon overcome by the sensation of his subcommander’s wet lips and tongue running over the head of his dick.

Kaz was not exaggerating. He really was incredibly good at this. Sliding his fingers skillfully inside him, within seconds Snake had completely forgotten the awkwardness and anxiety he had just a few moments ago. He simply let the pleasure of Kazuhira Miller’s expert touches wash over him. Kaz wasted no time in drawing his fingers against the bundle of nerves inside Snake, rubbing and teasing at it with precision and dexterity. Snake’s hips jerked erratically as he felt himself loosen up, his groans growing louder and louder until-

-‘Fuck, Kaz,’ he cried out, breathlessly as he jerked his hips against Kaz’s fingers, ‘fuck me, fuck me right now!’

‘Boss, are you sure?’ began Kaz as Snake squirmed more vigorously, wrapping his strong legs around Kaz, starting to crush him.

‘Yes, I’m sure,’ he barked impatiently. ‘I need you to fuck me senseless,’ he panted helplessly. ‘Now!’

Kaz was not going to deny such a needy Snake, so turned on by the spectacle before him- the legendary soldier, Big Boss, sprawled before him, helpless; bound and begging. Kaz jumped off the bed and scrambled to the bedside drawer, kicking off his boots and undoing his trousers and sliding them off unceremoniously, as he grabbed a condom. He took a deep breath as he rolled the condom over his own, exceedingly erect penis, and lubed himself up. He couldn’t help himself as he trembled, straddling the thighs of the older man. He leaned over Snake and placed a gentle hand on the side of his face.

‘Snake,’ he started, his voice sincere and breathless in anticipation. ‘This is probably going to hurt. If at any point you want to tap out, or take a break, please just –‘ Snake interrupted him, reaching his head up to crush a rough, ravenous kiss onto his lips. He bit Kaz’s bottom lip and nodded knowingly. With care and as gently as he could, Snake bit down on the bridge of Kaz’s aviators, working them off his nose and flinging them to the side of the bed. He threw a glance of pure desire into Kaz’s unguarded eyes, his lust spiking at the intimacy of seeing the beautiful azure of Kaz’s stare. Snake lowered himself back onto the bed. Kaz kept his head above Snake’s as he shuffled his hips ready, preparing himself to fuck his commander.

Snake sighed as Kaz tentatively rubbed his dick against his entrance. Despite Kaz’s experience, and all of the foreplay that they had just undergone, both men found themselves unsteady, shaking as Kaz held Snake in his arms. Kaz pushed himself in slowly, leading to a long groan from both parties. Snake’s breathing was uneven, his face contorting in pain as he felt the younger man fill him up for the first time.

Kaz closed his eyes, his mouth dropping in unabridged, uncontrolled pleasure at the feeling of the older man coiled so tightly around him. He kneeled his head down and rested it on Snake’s forehead.

‘Oh…God,’ spurted Kaz, spewing out a few Japanese expletives on instinct. ‘Snake you’re so fucking tight. Fuck, are you ok?’ 

‘Uhuh,’ breathed the older man below him, body tingling at the sensation of the ropes binding him as he arched against Kaz’s body. ‘Just,’ he grunted, ‘just move.’

‘I-‘ stuttered Kaz, ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘Just fucking move!’ Snake ordered impatiently, half in pleasure, half in pain. Letting his desire take control, Kaz began to slowly roll his hips. Feeling the friction inside him, Snake let out a long, low moan.

‘Ho- ah-holy fuck,’ he spat. ‘Kaz, I’ve needed this for a- ah!’ A particularly hard thrust interrupted Snake as Kaz filled him up, working up a steady rhythm and gathering speed. Kaz’s strong, thick thighs pounded Snake with abandon, as, spurred on by Snake’s moans of pleasure, he began to let go of his worries. Kaz pushed himself down towards Snake’s chest and began biting and pulling at the rope, sucking and nipping his nipples inelegantly like a wild animal. The sensation was too much as Snake felt his brain short circuit from sheer pleasure. Snake began to thrash more violently, his handcuffs digging so hard into his arms that dark red marks started to appear on his wrists.

‘Oooh God,’ Snake cried out, finding short breath. ‘Kaz, I need—ah- I need you to—fuck,’ he babbled incoherently. ‘My arms,’ he finally spat. ‘Kaz, my-ah!’

Kaz lifted his head from between Snake’s pecs and released Snake from his handcuffs. Immediately Snake grabbed the back of Kaz’s head, weaving his fingers between Kaz’s messed up hair, and pulled himself up to meet Kaz in for a deep kiss, moaning against Kaz’s lips as Kaz’s thrusts became harder and faster. Their bodies made a perfect ‘V’ as both men sat upright, holding each other as they fucked. Snake’s eager hands clawed at Kaz’s back desperately, feeling the muscles on Kaz’s back tense and stretch with every plunge of his hips. 

They kissed again, arms woven together as they pulled themselves together with every thrust. The feeling of their bodies twined together, damp and burning with sweat and lust, was heaven. Snake felt dizzy, as if he was being split apart with every tense and release of Kaz’s powerful muscles. Feeling a pool of animal lust well up inside him, he bent his knees and pushed Kaz onto his back, falling with him so that he could ride Kaz and regain some control. 

Kaz’s head hung off the end of the bed, his hair falling beside it in a mess, bouncing as he thrust upwards into the older man and as Snake pushed back onto Kaz’s hips. Blood rushed to Kaz’s head as the room began to spin around him. Lifting his head back up, he scrunched his eyes shut, his face contorting in satisfaction as he felt the weight of his boss press down on his hips and crush his ass. Not long after this, he felt Snake’s movements become more erratic as Snake began jerking himself off.

‘Kaz, kaz, kaz,’ he cried out, ‘I’m gonna,-fuck- I’m gonna cum.’ Taking Snake’s cue, Kaz lifted himself up and, grabbing on to Snake’s hips, began thrusting upwards with brute force, the noise of Kaz’s crotch slapping Snake’s ass echoing around the room. Feeling the older man tense up above him, Kaz buried his dick deeper in Snake, remaining there as Snake came with a loud gasp.

‘Fucking hell, Kaz,’ he panted, exhausted and rolling off the younger man.

‘Was I alright?’ Kaz teased, pushing himself up and crawling towards Snake, still wielding a very impressive erection. Both men were flushed and sweating from sheer exhilaration.

‘Fuck you,’ rejoined Snake, grabbing Kaz by the shoulder lazily and pulling him nearer. ‘Come here, I want to finish you off.’ Kaz had no trouble obeying that command. He slinked up to his commander, his body pliant, eager to see how Snake would choose to make him cum.

‘Here,’ ordered Snake leading Kaz towards the headboard of the bed. ‘Sit up against that.’

‘As you wish, Boss,’ replied Kaz, his voice flirtatious to avoid showcasing his excitement. Snake smiled and slapped Kaz’s ass hard as he moved up.

‘Hey, that hurt!’

‘You’ll survive, Commander Miller,’ Snake joked as he mustered up all of his strength to place himself between the younger man’s legs. Taking off the condom, Snake began to lazily suck on Kaz’s dick, relishing the unfamiliar taste of his precum on his eager tongue. Kaz moaned seductively.

‘Boss,’ he panted, ‘ooh God yes.’ He arched his back and jerked his hips in delight, desperate to finish.

‘Hmmm, I’m all tired out from all that teasing,’ pondered Snake aloud, letting go of Kaz briefly. ‘I suppose this wouldn’t be a good time to get revenge for your little tricks earlier, then?’ Kaz, wild and on the edge of a long awaited orgasm darted a burning glare at Snake’s silly little grin. Taking no chances of being sexually tortured, Kaz flipped his commander over in one slick movement and, clambering his knees around Snake’s face, pushed his dick inside Snake’s wide, coy mouth. Desperate to finish, he thrust hard and powerfully as he felt the beginnings of an orgasm. The headboard thudded rhythmically against the wall. He held Snake’s head steady with one hand and leaned against the wall with the other, pushing and thrusting without restraint, pushing apart Snake’s lips. 

Snake smiled to himself as he watched the younger man lose control above him, feeling Kaz’s commanding thighs gently crush Snake’s head as he shuddered and came into Snake’s mouth with a cry. Kaz’s body hung in a delicious arch above Snake, quivering from the intensity of the feeling until Kaz removed himself from Snake’s mouth and collapsed on the older man beneath him.

‘Fuck,’ he groaned as he pressed his face into Snake’s torso, his face brushing the ropes that still bound the older man. Drained of all of his energy, Kaz’s rolled off of Snake and flopped beside him, his chest still heaving as he came down from the high of his orgasm. Snake chuckled and gathered up the younger man in his arm.

‘So,’ began Snake as they lay together, peacefully in silence. ‘You think you can untie me any time soon?’

Kaz tugged on one of the ropes, laughing softly as Snake flinched in response.

‘Maybe.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was OK! 
> 
> I based this chapter on this picture of Kaz from the PW Drama tapes: http://41.media.tumblr.com/5c2a20a232048ea7e819bdd5dbbc2920/tumblr_mm8tx8rV6b1s4rr21o5_1280.jpg which I've been swooning over ever since I saw it. This chapter is also dedicated to my dearest B.B who showed me this picture and who is just all round the best person. Massive thanks to BitterLittlePastry/kelz 313 (check out their awesome fic, Diamonds and Rust, btw!) for putting up with me whining about how difficult I find writing smut! And listening to me ramble about my 'seduction playlist' that I made especially for writing this chapter.
> 
> The next update will be a little delayed because I'm going away for a while/have no idea what to write next. Sorry!! I should have planned this better.
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments! Feel free to say hello on tumblr too at http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/ Always happy to chat.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!! <3


	11. Leather Fan Art by Statisticsfag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologise for misleading anyone who thinks there's a new written chapter but honestly this art is so good you just have to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge, huge thanks to the immensely talented statisticsfag for surprising me with this beautiful artwork of Shibari BB!!  
> I'm honestly so spoiled to be in a fandom of such amazing and lovely artists and honestly I have no idea what I did to deserve this!! I'm still fawning over how incredible the lighting is on this, and the detail like omg it's just perfect! I'm still in shock over this.
> 
> Check out their artwork on their tumblr, they are incredible. Link to the original art, which will leave you to their tumblr here:
> 
>  
> 
> <http://statisticsfag.tumblr.com/post/147805089021/shibaribb-inspired-by-outlookingforastronauts>  
> 

[](http://s1377.photobucket.com/user/DrinkingPinkRabbits/media/statisticsfagart_zpsx5rv3iuw.png.html)


	12. Out To Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake reminisces about Kaz

####  PART III 

_Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not_  
_Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither_  
_Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,_  
_Looking into the heart of light, the silence._

The tape recorder clicks and a sip of burning alcohol loosens his tongue.

‘ _Kaz--_

‘Do you remember that time we went swimming together? It was late at night- or was it early in the morning? Something like that, I don’t remember. 

‘I guess this is dumb, since we made a habit of sneaking out at night whenever we had the chance like two fucking teenagers. This one time, I think we were drunk. I lie, I know we were drunk. Because we were _always_ drunk when we went skinny dipping. 

‘We decided to strip bare naked and dive off the pier. You started running first, but I overtook you because it’s me, of course I would, I’m a dick. When we jumped, I did a clumsy ass somersault and I plunged into the sea. The water splashed everywhere and rushed loud in my ears, white foam ringing where I fell.

‘With my eye I could just about make out an image of you. 

‘Blurry, you leaped over me in one fell swoop. If I was a cannonball, you were an arrow. Zipping past, your body arched perfectly as you cut through the wind. You dove farther than me and deeper than me, your powerful legs kicking you forward. Your arms pulled you along. 

‘I watched the moonlight dance on the waves of your back. I watched your muscles ripple with every stroke. I wanted to reach out my hand and just pull you back to claw at your tight little ass. But you were fast and soon, you were far away. I watched you swim away from me and away from the light. 

‘Soon you were out of sight and I was out of breath. I broke to the surface and spat out the salt water. I pushed the hair from my face. You were not there. I blinked my eye and stared again. Nothing.

‘For that moment, I felt a fear unlike anything I’d ever felt before. Not like the rush of the battlefield, not like a dagger to my eye, but a low, fear in my ribs that you would be lost. Every trace of you and me would disappear forever at the bottom of the ocean, swallowed in the sea.

‘The fear in me began to rise and suddenly I was breathing like a fucking frightened rabbit. My pulse was racing and I thought that I was going to freeze up and drown. But a far away laugh pulled me back.

‘There you were. Golden and warm under the silver crescent of the moon. Sharp against the soft evening air. You dipped under the surface and came back again, spouting a stream of water like a fucking water fountain. You’re too large to be a cherub. Too tainted to be one too, you little slut.

‘Bored of your own company you swam back to me. You moved like a wave over the surface. You had a talent for that, flowing like water in everything you did. The current of your hips as they pressed against mine, the ebb of your lips as they dragged themselves along my skin. You took my hand and led me to the shore and we fucked like it was our last night on earth as the waves lapped our shins.

‘Your movements are different now. If you were water then, now you are ice. Your power is glacial. Your movements are slow and stubborn and your frozen anger could carve out mountains. I know, because I’ve seen it, when I watch you from afar. I can see the straining of every movement, and the agony of keeping still.

‘Huddled at your desk, your left shoulder sticks up and curls inwards, your right shoulder droops low under the weight of an arm that is no longer there. When I see you I’m mentally undressing you. I’m imagining the knots of muscle throbbing beneath your skin and I’m fantasizing about undoing every single one.

‘ _I would give anything to touch you again._

‘A few times, I’ve gotten close. I’ve watched you enough to know that as much as you avoid sleep, every so often even you will give in. And when you’re out, you’re out stone cold. You look like an idol when you sleep. The way your lips hang helplessly as you breathe out your nightmares, the way your eyelashes just flicker as you dream and dream and dream.

‘I dream about lying down beside you and taking your remaining hand. I dream about closing my eyes and seeing nothing behind my lids. I dream about waking up from this delirium and finding you as you were back then. My fountain of gold. 

‘Instead I place my hand on your arm, just before where it ends. You flinch. I know you don’t like that, but I do it anyway. I run my fingers over the side of your neck. I rest my palm on your cheek. Your face tightens at my touch, but my chest tightens at yours. 

‘Baby don’t go where I can’t find you. Don’t go where I can’t follow. I’d hunt you down like a fucking animal just so that I could look at you from afar.’

He stops recording. Idly he runs his fingers over the cassette and, as always, he tosses it into the fire. He watches the tape burn away into dust. He grunts.

‘ _I’m too drunk for this bullshit._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * 'I'll Be Watching You' plays in the distance *
> 
> Hey friends! Sorry for the long hiatus. 
> 
> There's loads I've cut out of this fic just because of time etc and I do really want to give this an ending. So as a compromise I've planned another four chapters, starting with this one. 
> 
> So here's another chapter of BB being sad! Sorry it's so flowery. I'm not entirely convinced BB would actually use that many metaphors, but he's a smart guy so...??? In any event, I read a really good book which inspired this chapter and I really wanted to kind of experiment with this kind of style. I'll come back to it and proofread it properly soon.
> 
> Oh and the top bit is from the Burial of the Dead from Eliot's The Waste Land.
> 
> Hope you liked it! Please feel free to say hello in the comments or on tumblr at
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and sorry to keep you waiting! <3


	13. Night Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Boss concocts a plan to talk to Kaz.

_Afghanistan, 1984_

DD let out a low growl as the figure loomed in nearer. His wolfish teeth were bared white against the darkness of the evening as he crouched, ready to attack. Whatever this figure was, he knew with every instinct that he did not trust it.

‘Shh, shh it’s ok, DD,’ hushed Venom from the shadows, ‘it’s ok.’ DD turned his head to look at his master, barely letting out a confused whimper before-

-a sharp zip-

A tranquiliser to the neck and DD collapsed on the spot. Venom looked up at the shooter undisturbed. He nodded his head reverently.

‘ _Boss._ ’

‘V,’ replied Snake, bowing his head respectfully in return. A soft, cool wind blew between the men. Venom stood up, staring blankly at the mirror image silhouetted in front of him. Snake pushed the unconscious DD aside gently with his foot and walked towards his phantom. 

Venom’s breath hitched imperceptibly as he stood face to face with himself. Rings of orange light flickered on Big Boss’s face as smoke trailed from his solemn mouth. With each shadow Venom could feel his vision begin to warp. Flashes of somebody else’s face, snippets of somebody else’s voice, and film reels of somebody else’s memories murmured over Venom’s mind. The smooth scent of Big Boss’s cigarette pulled Venom back to Costa Rica. He kept his expression blank. His eye contact was unwavering.

‘You’re hallucinating.’ Big Boss’s voice was steady and low, the voice of all authority and the voice inside of Venom’s head.

‘I’m hallucinating,’ affirmed Venom. In one swift movement, before Venom could even react, Big Boss had his fist on Venom’s neck, injecting him with brutal efficiency. Venom folded sideways into Big Boss’s arm. For a brief moment his Snake’s eye locked with his phantom’s. Clear, resolute and empty, for a moment, Snake almost felt guilty for what would be Venom’s ultimate end. He pushed that thought from his head- there was no time for hesitation, not for Big Boss. He sagged under Venom’s weight as he lowered the body quietly and placed it lifeless on the ground. 

He brushed the dirt off of his trousers and sauntered over to the radio. He sat down and leant back on a nearby rock, taking a long drag of his cigar as his eye scanned the clear evening sky.

_Click click._

‘Boss?’ Snake held his breath. His cigar lay idly between his lips as he parted his mouth slightly. He hadn’t heard that voice closely for nine years.

‘Boss,’ persisted Kaz on the other end of the radio. ‘Boss, it’s me, are you ok?’ Snake felt his lips almost quiver.

‘Kaz,’ he whispered with instinctive fondness. He couldn’t breathe.

‘Boss?’ Kaz sounded alarmed. His voice was lower than Snake recalled. Snake snapped back to reality.

‘Yeah,’ he almost stuttered. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine, I just-’ He skimmed his mind for an excuse. He let out a soft, embarrassed chuckle.

‘Phantom cigar.’ He heard Kaz let out a short laugh.

‘What, so now you’re drunk calling me?’ There was a ghost of his former playfulness in his voice. Snake could feel a smile creeping onto his face for the first time in a long time.

‘Well,’ he purred. ‘Does it count if I’m just high?’ Kaz let out a sigh. It was as if Snake could feel his breath on his skin. 

A silence fell between them. Snake paused and widened his eye. Fuck. He hadn’t really considered what he would say when he did actually get here. His breathing quickened.

‘So…uhhh…’ he began, trying to buy himself some time to gather his thoughts. ‘Kaz…’

‘Yes?’ replied Kaz, his voice laced with mild confusion at his boss’s sudden strange behaviour.

‘How,’ he began, ‘how are you?’ He blinked. ‘Yes-- how are you?’ He smiled to himself in relief when he heard Kaz let out a small laugh.

‘God, Snake, you’re going to be the end of me,’ he answered jokingly.

_Snake_ , he thought. _Just Snake_ He hadn’t been called that in a long time.

‘I-I’m fine,’ he concluded. 

‘Yeah?’ Snake pushed. 

There was only so much that Snake could find out by spying on Kaz. He could watch his mannerisms, map out his disposition, but he could never get inside his head. Not like he used to back in Costa Rica. He wanted to decode the truth in Kaz’s voice and feel like he could rediscover his every thought. Kaz’s voice was low. Kaz’s voice was tired.

‘Well,’ conceded Kaz. ‘Same as always, I guess.’

‘Hmm,’ hummed Snake, nestling his head against the slope of the rock. He could feel Kaz’s defences slowly folding away. He had missed that.

‘Are you sleeping enough?’ Snake blurted. ‘And eating enough, taking breaks?’ Snake had no idea why he was asking Kaz these questions. He had seen enough of Kaz to know already that the answer to all of these questions was ‘no.’ Nonetheless, he found himself unable to stop.

‘Boss,’ cut in Kaz over the radio. His voice was sharp and assertive. He continued, the anger in his voice simmering down. 

‘I told you before, I don’t want to talk about this. Will you just let it go already?’ Snake paused, blinking to himself.

When he decided to go along with this, Cipher’s plan, Snake never fooled himself. He knew that for Venom to be a convincing double that would mean convincing everyone. Especially Kaz. He knew they would end up back together. He knew that not even torture and nine years of separation would stop them having sex eventually. Because if he was in there, nothing would stop him from fucking his lover’s brains out to make up for the all the time they had lost while they were apart. And if Venom was to be Big Boss…

Even if it made him viscerally enraged to the insides of his bones Big Boss would take it. He would push it further and further into the back of his mind and lock away all of those lewd, pornographic thoughts. Because Big Boss does not let jealousy distract him from his mission. Because Big Boss does not waste his time pining for some pretty boy he fell for nine years ago. Because Big Boss is above all of these earthly, fucking weighty desires.

But this? That they would talk about how they felt, that they would argue like real lovers, that Venom could be the one to take care of _his_ Kaz? This he had not anticipated. He felt a ferocity, low and predatory growl burn from the chambers of his gut.

_No_ he told himself. _Not now. ___

__He forced the fires back into its cage and twisted the key in the lock._ _

__‘Ok,’ Snake replied. ‘I’m sorry, I’ll drop it.’_ _

__‘I’m sorry, Snake, it’s just, we’ve talked about this before and I just-‘_ _

__‘-hey, hey,’ cooed Snake, ‘it’s ok. It’s ok.’ Snake shut his eye and let out a slow breath. For a moment he almost believed himself._ _

__‘What’s it like over there on Motherbase?’ Snake continued, breaking their silence._ _

__‘Hmm?’_ _

__‘Right now, what can you see?’_ _

__‘Boss?’ asked Kaz, confused._ _

__‘It’s a really clear evening over here. I could read a book in this moonlight.’ Kaz hummed, figuring that Venom just must have been in one of those strange moods again._ _

__‘Well, you know me, I’m in my office,’ replied Kaz, indulging Snake, ‘same as always’._ _

__‘What’s it like outside?’_ _

__‘Ummm… Boss?’_ _

__‘Come on, humour me.’ Kaz hesitated for a second. Snake heard the reluctant shuffling of papers being sorted and the slow, steady noise of Kaz lifting himself up._ _

__‘Ok, fine,’ conceded Kaz, sounding only slightly grumpy. Snake smiled to himself. ‘I swear you’re not usually this talkative, Boss.’_ _

__‘Well,’ hazarded Snake. ‘I guess I must just miss you.’ A pause._ _

__‘…Right.’_ _

__‘Are you outside yet?’ Kaz hummed affirmatively. ’Ok, what can you see?’_ _

__‘Boss, are you really-‘_ _

__‘-pleaaase?’ teased Snake. He could almost hear Kaz rolling his eyes behind those dark aviators. He imagined the sides of his lips turning into that small, irritated grin. He imagined seeing his incisors peak out between his lips._ _

__‘Well,’ sighed Kaz. ‘Kind of cloudy. Just the ocean and the sky. Same as always, I guess.’ Snake’s smile faltered. It never occurred to him that Kaz would spend his entire time stuck on motherbase. He could hear the resignation in his lover’s voice._ _

__‘But hey,’ continued Kaz, with a tired optimism. ‘Beats the leaky old shack in Costa Rica, right?’_ _

__Snake’s grin perked up hearing the hint of cheerfulness in Kaz’s voice._ _

__‘I don’t know, Kaz,’ he purred, ‘we had our fair share of fun back there.’ Kaz scoffed._ _

__‘Are you trying to flirt with me, Boss?’ The words rolled beautifully off of his silver tongue. Snake bit his lip._ _

__‘I don’t know, are you trying to flirt back?’ Kaz let out another small laugh, before clearing his throat._ _

__‘Oh Snake,’ he said, resigned. ‘We’re getting too old for this.’ Snake hummed and let out a low chuckle._ _

__‘But hey,’ Snake began. ‘Look how far we’ve come. From nothing to... this.’ A gentle breeze blew through the air. Kaz made no reply. Snake could imagine his sharp profile bathed in the soft lights on the command platform._ _

__‘We have come a long way together,’ replied Kaz, earnestly. ‘Here we are.’ Snake could feel the tension between them. He wanted to talk like they used to._ _

__‘Hey, Kaz?’ asked Snake._ _

__‘Mhmm?’_ _

__‘Do you,’ Snake hesitated with his words. ‘Do you ever wish we could just… go back?’ Silence. Kaz didn’t want to answer._ _

__‘I meant it, you know,’ continued Snake. ‘I meant it when I said that I missed you.’ Still no reply. He could hear Kaz’s breathing grow shallower._ _

__'I know we’re back on track and I know we have all this funding and this—this,’ Snake trailed off. ‘I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’d trade it all just to- to go back. When it was just you and me, and when we were happy, and when everything was simpler and- and-’ Snake felt his breath become ragged as a whirlpool of words began to rise in his throat._ _

__‘Fuck, I just miss you so much sometimes I just can’t- I can’t fucking breathe, and sometimes it feels like, it feels like it’s just too fucking much, like I made the wrong choice and I-I,’ he stuttered. ‘I can’t do this any more, I can’t—I miss you —I need you---I‘ He let out a loud, pained groan._ _

__‘ _Fuck!_ ’ A pause as Snake’s breathing heaved heavy at his ribs._ _

__‘Fuck, fuck, Kaz, I’m sorry,’ murmured Snake as he felt himself come down. ‘It’s probably just the cigar, I’m not- I’m not thinking straight.’ Another moment as Kaz thought about what to say._ _

__‘Hey,’ said Kaz. His words were slow and hesitant. ‘It’s- it’s ok. It’s going to be ok.’ Snake blinked and took a deep breath. There was something about the way that Kaz spoke. It was as if it was all true. As if, for a moment, Snake truly believed that everything would end up just fine. Kaz spoke again._ _

__‘You know, whatever happens, and wherever we end up, I’m just-’ He paused. ‘I’m glad that we’re doing this together.’ His voice was low, soft and heartfelt. Snake bit his lip._ _

__‘Yeah,’ he replied after a moment. ‘Together…’ He felt a heaviness in his throat._ _

__‘I,’ Snake murmured. ‘I think I should go now.’_ _

__‘Get some rest, Boss. We can talk when you get back home.’_ _

___Home_ thought Snake. He missed that too._ _

__‘Kaz,’ he whispered, almost reverently. ‘Kaz, I- I lo-‘. The words froze in his mouth. ‘I-I,’ he stammered, before letting out a long resigned sigh. _Fuck it_ , he thought._ _

__‘I’m sorry for disturbing you so late at night.’_ _

__Kaz laughed kindly._ _

__‘Don’t worry about it, Snake.’ Snake lowered his eye and grit his teeth together._ _

__‘I mean it, Kaz,’ he concluded. ‘I’m sorry.’_ _

__‘Boss?’_ _

__‘I’m so, so sorry.’_ _

__He turned off the radio._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I HURT DD.
> 
> Hope this is OK! I'm basically just trying to speed write the rest of this while I have a bit of time on my hands. Sorry if it seems a bit messy or rushed! 
> 
> I'm concerned something happened to the formatting of this, but in the preview it looks so normal so....??? If it looks weird can someone let me know and I'll start from scratch! Posting as is now because I've gotta leave the house in like... 5 mins!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! As always feel free to let me know our thoughts in the comments below or on tumblr at
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/


	14. The Outsider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake installs a hidden camera in Kaz's room and watches over him as the evening draws late.

The image on the screen in front of him wasn’t as clear as he’d have liked. It didn’t help that Kaz kept his office and living quarters so dimly lit. His work was boring enough as it was, thought Snake to himself. _Why the hell did he make his office so dark all the time?_

Ocelot’s polite reminders to Snake that his ‘visits’ to motherbase were getting a little bit too frequent and a little too brazen became increasingly less diplomatic. After a few close calls on Snake’s part- _where was his focus? Isn’t he supposed to be the master of sneaking and infiltration? What the fuck was wrong with him_ \- Snake figured that he probably didn’t have the time to go back to the Seychelles and spy on his ex-lover for hours on end.

Kaz had been in his office for about 7 hours straight before heading outside. Snake knew this because he had been sitting watching Kaz’s office on the screen for about 8 and a half hours. He leaned in closer to the screen to get a better look at the empty room.

_Why didn’t he get his R &D team to develop him a better camera?_ Snake thought to himself. He should have just made one himself. He would have installed a microphone that actually picked up the sound of a human’s voice because _goddammit what is the point of a microphone if you can’t use it to spy on people why is it so hard to just get this right?_ Unless Kaz started yelling Snake couldn’t hear any of his conversations. He let out a soft groan and stretched out his neck.

He absent mindedly thought back to his old R&D team in MSF. _Did anyone do any real work these days except him?_ The muted light from the screen glowed on Snake’s face. He blinked. He had been staring at the empty office for almost an hour now and the waiting was driving him insane.

_Where was he?_ thought Snake, frowning to himself. _Debriefing V shouldn’t take this long. Dirty quickie behind the showers? Couldn’t even make the 77 paces back to the office before you’re feeling each other up? What the fuck are you, a pair of teens? Fucking slut._ He huffed angrily on his cigar. He should have put more cameras around the base. The image on the screen blurred. He banged the table with his fist. _And better cameras at that._

He saw the door of the office open and held his breath. There they were, crossing the threshold. Engaged in conversation they were fully dressed and standing apart.

_What, so you’ve lost your libido, kiddo? If it was me I’d have fucked you so hard the second I got off that chopper you'd have to crawl back to your office._

He let out a short laugh and blew the smoke out of his mouth. 

_You used to be crazy for this dick._

Kaz walked towards his desk while Venom locked the door. He took off his coat and motioned for Venom to come over and handed him a piece of paper. Venom look at it and smiled. He turned his gaze to Kaz, who was looking down at more papers. He looked as if he was talking enthusiastically about something. Snake would know if the microphone would _fucking do its job and pick up some actual words for fuck’s sake I don’t understand why this is so hard._

Venom’s eyes were locked on Kaz’s face the entire time. Even with the terrible camera quality it was exceedingly clear that Venom was smitten. He made that face back in Costa Rica too, but only when he thought nobody was looking. He couldn’t hide it then, thought Snake, and he can’t hide it now.

_Pull yourself together, you pussy._

Kaz looked up at V and caught his eye. He turned his head and presumably spoke to Venom. Both Snake and V watched Kaz’s lips move invitingly. Kaz noticed Venom’s distraction and raised an eyebrow. V shrugged and stepped in closer.

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

He slowly wrapped his hand around Kaz’s waist.

TOUCH HIM AND I’LL FUCKING RIP YOUR ARM OFF

His arm crept over the small of his back. Kaz removed his crutch. Venom he hoisted Kaz onto the desk, placing him down gently.

Snake clenched his fist

Venom moved in closer to Kaz. Kaz smiled and tilted his face upwards, their lips ghosting each other’s.

HE’S SMILING FOR ME, NOT FOR YOU. THAT SMILE IS FOR ME

Venom bit his lip and brushed his nose against Kaz’s.

HIS FACE IS MINE. YOUR FACE IS MINE. YOU FUCKING THIEF. THAT’S MY FACE YOU’RE FUCKING WITH

Venom stepped forward and, nudging his knee against Kaz’s thigh leaned in to kiss him. His head covered Kaz’s face. Snake could see Venom driving his lips forward.

GODAMMIT MOVE

Kaz’s hand slid across Venom’s ribs and down his lower back. He gave Venom’s ass a rough, powerful squeeze.

FUCK

Venom’s hips bucked forward. Kaz wrapped his leg around Venom’s waist and dragged himself closer.

NO

At this altered angle, Snake could see the profiles of both men, held together in a perfect symmetry. Venom brought his flesh hand to Kaz’s cheek. Kaz flung off his beret. He bit down into his glove and with a swift shake of his head his hand was free. 

_FUCK ME THAT’S HOT_

With comfort and complete ease, Venom removed Kaz’s glasses. Kaz did not flinch. His gaze did not even falter. Snake was taken aback- Kaz never let him remove his glasses without a fight.

They remained, face to face, lips unmoving, eyes locked. Snake rolled his eyes. He bashed his fist on the table.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Venom plunged his face into Kaz’s neck, kissing his collarbone and working his lips over his Adam’s apple. Kaz’s head rolled back. He shut his eyes in pleasure. Their movements were slow and deliberate, as if they wanted to draw out the moment. As if Venom was savouring the taste of his lover’s skin. As if Snake was watching in slow motion. As if they were putting on a show. He watched Kaz open his mouth to presumably moan.

JUST FUCK ALREADY

Snake watched as they kissed again. Their hands roamed all over each other, tugging sensually at the fabric beneath.

DON’T TOUCH HIM LIKE THAT. HE’S MINE

Their movements became more frantic. Venom pulled off Kaz’s tie and hurled it to the ground carelessly as Kaz undid his buttons rapidly. He shrugged off his shirt and Venom pulled his vest over Kaz’s head. Soon Kaz was topless and working on Venom’s fatigues. Without all of his layers, Kaz looked smaller than he’d anticipated.

DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM.

Kaz hooked his arm around the back of Venom’s neck and kissed him again. Venom twined his arms around Kaz’s hips and without any ease lifted him up. He staggered backwards towards the bed, pushed back under the power and weight of Kaz’s fervent kisses. He spun around and with feather light movement, lowered Kaz onto the bed delicately.

HE LIKES IT ROUGH YOU MORON. THROW HIM ON THE BED. TIE HIM DOWN. FUCKING POUND HIM LIKE HE WANTS IT YOU COWARD

Kaz’s fingers lingered on Venom’s chest as he let go of Kaz. He reached out as Venom undid his own trousers just out of Kaz’s reach.

PINING FOR HIM ALREADY YOU OLD WHORE? SNAP OUT OF IT, HE’S THE WRONG PERSON

Venom walked towards a small set of drawers.

WHAT KINKY SHIT ARE YOU KEEPING IN THERE KAZ? 

Venom rummaged around and produced a small jar of lube. As he turned to face Kaz Snake could see his large powerful erection.

IS HIS DICK BETTER THAN MINE KAZ? CAN YOU EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE?

Venom climbed on top of Kaz and began to unbutton his trousers. He kissed Kaz under his navel and worked his lips over Kaz’s hipbones.

YOU COCKSUCKING FAGGOT. THAT’S NOT EVEN YOUR MOUTH ON HIS DICK

Kaz’s trousers were now on the floor. Venom dipped his fingers into the lube and ran his tongue over the inside of Kaz’s thigh. Kaz’s muscles tightened at the contact. Snake grit his teeth. Venom drew his tongue over Kaz’s shaft. Kaz shut his eyes and spread his legs. Snake felt sick. Venom lined up his fingers when-

-zip-

A white dot in the centre of Snake’s screen. Snake’s eye widened in rage.

FUCK

He grabbed the screen and shook it in frustration. For fuck’s sake why didn’t anything just goddamn work in this fucking hell hole? He wanted to dash the entire equipment off the desk when-

-A familiar moan caught his attention.

_Kaz_

He reached to turn up the volume, but it was already on full.

Another moan from the speakers. Long and drawn out, his voice was like crushed velvet to Snake’s burning ears. He could hear Kaz calling out in pleasure.

‘Oooh, God,’ he groaned.

He hadn’t heard that in a while. Snake looked down and noticed that he was fully hard. His dick pressed uncomfortably against his trousers, ready to rupture through the fabric. He undid his zipper.

‘Ooooh--- yeess--- Snake!’

THAT’S MY NAME HE’S CALLING OUT

Snake shut his eye and imagined Kaz’s body. Venom panted heavily. Snake shoved his hand down his pants.

‘Aah—ahh-ahh Snaaake!’ whinnied Kaz.

IT’S ME THAT HE WANTS

Snake’s mind reeled through his pornographic fantasies of Kaz. _Call out my name_. Venom grunted. _Call for me. Dream about me, need me._  
Rhythmic banging accompanied the soundtrack. Snake sped up his masturbation. 

‘Oh Kaz,’ he heard Venom moan. ‘Fuck!’ The banging got louder and less controlled. Snake shut his eyes tighter. He felt a deep, animal groan escape from his lips.

Their cries and gasps began to melt into one rabble in Snake’s ears. Images of fucking his Kaz and Kaz being fucked fluttered chaotically through his mind. It was too much. 

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

He thought of himself pounding Kaz mercilessly. He thought of V doing the same. His head rolled back as he ground his teeth together.

Kaz’s noises grew more and more desperate as he inched nearer to his orgasm.

Snake thought about Kaz’s mouth, screaming in pleasure. He obsessed about Kaz calling his name.

‘-Snake!’

Snake let out a long, drawn out growl, rumbling and booming like thunder through his gritted teeth.

He came. His arms flopped to his side. His mouth hung open, his pulse raced.

The image on the screen reappeared. In the heat of the evening both men lay side by side. They held each others’ hand and stared at the ceiling. Snake had gotten cum on the screen. He was too tired to fix it now.

Snake stared at the screen blankly. This had gone too far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone want to know what they were talking about? The idea in my head is pretty sweet and if you're interested I'll add it to the notes, but it doesn't really add much to the scene- I just like the idea of BB being the outsider haha. 
> 
> Hope this chapter was OK! Sorry for all the slurs. And the weird formatting, I hope I managed to do it right? Let me know if not!
> 
> Almost finished with this fic now! I wonder what will happen next...
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! As always please feel free to let me know your thoughts, either in the comments below or by dropping me an ask or message on tumblr at
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Lots of love!


	15. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to an MSF birthday party in Costa Rica. Medic wants to get some things off his chest.

####  PART IV 

**Costa Rica, 1973**

Kaz closed his eyes and smiled. His head lulled to his side and he rolled his shoulders back as he swayed without rhythm or finesse to a beat that frankly no longer registered with him, the effects of his tequila shots still going strong. Just another birthday party at the MSF HQ. He stumbled as he tripped over his own foot, putting out his arms to stabilize himself. Unwittingly he grabbed the shoulder beside him. He felt a strong, flat palm on his bicep, steadying him in return.

‘Whoa there, Commander,’ laughed Vincent, ‘take it easy on the dancing.’ He patted Kaz’s arm and, confident that Kaz would remain upright without his help, let Kaz go. He grinned at Kaz.

‘If not for the sake of your ankles, for the sake of all of us poor bastards who have to watch you.’ Kaz’s stare flickered upwards and met Vincent’s, eyes bright enough to pierce through the veil of his aviators. Vincent held his breath imperceptibly in the brief moment that their gazes locked. 

To him, it was as if Kaz laughed in slow motion. He bit his lip and a short flush rose in his sun-kissed cheeks. His head bowed forward slightly as he scrunched his eyes shut, faint wrinkles creasing by the side of his glasses. His nostrils widened as he exhaled a wheezy, inelegant snicker. 

The lighting and décor in the hall was nothing special. They didn’t really have the money for anything spectacular: a broken disco ball that someone on the combat team had salvaged from God knows where; as many balloons as the Mess Hall team could fill with their lungs; and, most importantly, alcohol. And with a band made up of musicians within the staff playing away freely, and carried on the high of falling in love, Kaz had never looked more joyful. Kaz’s laughter, clumsy but carefree, permeated the upbeat brass in the background and, to MSF’s no 1 medic, Kaz had never looked more beautiful. Could tonight finally the opportunity that Vincent had been waiting for?

Kaz buckled in on himself as he snickered and staggered backwards.

‘—Shit, Commander!’ Vincent dove forward and caught Kaz by the shoulder before he toppled over.

‘Shit, V, you’re killing me, you really are!’ His voice was high and melodic. Hazy with alcohol, Kaz leaned his head back and Vincent’s eyes immediately darted to that long, elegant neck.

‘Are you alright?’ asked Vincent, taking Kaz gently by the shoulders and setting him upright. It seemed that no amount of infatuation and alcohol would ever dampen his medical instinct.

‘V,’ slurred Kaz, taking placing a strong hand on Vincent’s forearm, ‘I’m great. Just fantastic. Everything is perfect, V. Life, life is good.’ Kaz turned his head and tried to give Vincent an incredibly exaggerated wink.

‘Commander-‘

‘-Come oon, we’re off the clock, call me “Kaz”,’ cut in Kaz.

‘Ok, _Kaz_ , you can’t wink at someone if you’re wearing sunglasses, it doesn’t work like that,’ replied Vincent, struggling to hide the affection in his voice. As much as he admired and revered Kaz for his fierce intelligence, he would always, always find the younger man incredibly adorable. Kaz raised his eyebrows and responded with a goofy grin.

‘Then how did you know I was trying to wink at you?’ Kaz retorted. Vincent rolled his eyes.

‘Take a wild guess.’ Kaz laughed again.

‘I swear to God, V, you’re breaking my heart.’ Kaz’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath from all of his laughter.

‘I think,’ suggested Vincent, ‘I think you need some fresh air.’ Kaz pursed his lips.

‘I think,’ Kaz began, ‘I think you may be right.’ Vincent’s pulse quickened. This was it, this was his chance.

‘Besides,’ continued Vincent, ‘I want to talk to you and I need you sobered up.’ Despite the playful tone to his voice, Vincent was serious- Kaz was drunk and the last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of that.

‘Whaaat?’ slurred Kaz. ‘Me? Drunk? Get out of here!’ He waved his hand dismissively. Vincent chuckled.

‘Only if you come with me,’ he rejoined, shooting Kaz a cautiously flirtatious grin. Kaz shook his head.

‘Well how could I ever say no to that?’ conceded Kaz. ‘Lead the way, V!’

***

The cool evening air came in a rush as a great relief to the men from the stuffy, busy room inside. Notwithstanding the muted music coming from inside the hall, the camp was oddly serene. Moonlight bathed the men as they stood on the veranda, V keeping Kaz stable with one arm tactically wrapped around his waist and his free hand on his chest.

‘Do you think you can manage alright?’ checked Vincent. Kaz placed a hand on the fence and nodded. Vincent let him go.

‘It’s a beautiful evening, don’t you think?’ began Vincent. Kaz hummed pensively in response. ‘The fresh air will do you some good.’ Kaz nodded.

‘Definitely,’ he agreed. ‘Thanks for taking care of me, V. You’re a good friend, I really appreciate that.’ Vincent held his breath. 

‘Any time, Kaz.’ His chest tightened as he breathed out Kaz’s name. Kaz smiled kindly. This was it. This was his chance. Vincent took a deep breath and placed his hands softly over Kaz’s arms.

‘Kaz, look, I-‘ he stuttered. Kaz blinked. ‘I-I’ A quick gasp by Kaz cut him off. He looked at Kaz, whose gaze zipped across Vincent’s shoulder and to something behind him. Kaz’s face lit up and an ecstatic grin gripped Kaz’s lips.

‘Snake!’ he called out in joy. Vincent darted around to see what was behind him.

A dark figure, illuminated by the dull glow of a cigar approached.

‘Boss,’ he splurted, letting go of Kaz suddenly and instinctively saluting Snake as he strolled towards them. Snake stopped beside V, his eye locked on Kaz. He threw a quick sideways glance at the man standing between them and continued to stare at Kaz with a slight, menacing smile.

‘At ease, V,’ instructed Snake, looking at Kaz. ‘Shouldn't you be at the party with everyone else?’

‘Snake,’ purred Kaz, leaning towards his lover, too drunk to hide his delight.

‘Yes, sir,’ replied Vincent trying to hide his nerves. ‘I was just- I was helping Kaz get some fresh air.’

Snake raised an eyebrow at Vincent, surprised by his lack of formality towards his commander. He returned his gaze to Kaz.

‘I see,’ mused Snake. ‘I suppose _Commander Miller_ isn’t quite the heavyweight he’d like to think he is.’

Vincent let out a nervous laugh. Kaz swayed by his side. Snake stepped in front of Vincent ruthlessly and wrapped a strong, confident arm around Kaz’s waist, pulling Kaz into his hold. It was as if Kaz wilted into Snake’s grip. Vincent watched as Kaz clutched the side of Snake’s sleeve needily and leaned down to whisper something in Snake’s ear. Snake let out a small smile.

‘Thanks for taking care of your commander,’ rumbled Snake. ‘Go back to your little party, I’ll take over from here.’ A short pause as Vincent stood and looked at Kaz. Snake pulled Kaz in closer.

‘That will be all, Medic.’ 

‘Sir?’

‘That will be all.’

‘Sir.’

Vincent was stunned and lost for words. He blinked and saluted. Snake nodded nonchalantly and turned around to take Kaz away. Kaz pressed his face into Snake’s shoulder and hummed happily as they sauntered off.

‘Hang on, not here kiddo,’ murmured Snake softly, but loud enough for Vincent to just about hear. Taking the cues, and unsure if he could keep a suitable poker face, Vincent spun around quickly and tried not to watch the man he loved walk away with someone else. He shook his head in disbelief. After a moment he looked over his shoulder to see if they were gone.

From afar, he saw the two men silhouetted together against the pale light. He could hear Kaz’s faint giggling in the distance. He watched as Snake pressed a finger to Kaz’s lip, trying unsuccessfully to hush Kaz. Kaz placed his hand over Snake’s wrist and threw Snake’s hand down petulantly before wrapping his arm around Snake’s waist and moving his lips in closer to the man he had fallen for.

Vincent closed his eyes and walked away. 

He had seen enough.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMM GUESS SNAKE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE TO LOVE KAZ FROM AFAR ...
> 
> Ok, so I know I said that I was going to end this fic, but I was chatting to a friend on tumblr about all the things I had planned for the fic and that I'd cut out (namely all the MKaz stuff) and I just couldn't help but want to write it all so... here we are: I've added another part the the story before I finally bring this to an end. Oops.
> 
> I'm sorry, I know this doesn't really fit, I didn't really plan for this fic to become a proper fic and I have no impulse control so it's kind of become like... a dumping ground for my BBKaz/VKaz headcanons. I'm so sorry!! This also means that my updates will probably be inconsistent/a little slower than I'd like. I hope the upcoming MKaz stuff kinda makes up for my inability to stick with a plan for this fic and for dicking you guys about a little.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments or say hello on tumblr at
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Always love hearing from you! Sorry for the long rambling note.


	16. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz suggests that the medic joins him on Codec with Snake.

‘I mean, if you and the Boss are so sure about it, Commander, then sure. Sounds like a good idea.’

It was a terrible idea. In fact, Vincent could not think of anything worse for his own peace of mind. But before his commander, Vincent wasn’t sure whether he really had a choice.

‘Besides, you’re basically my boss, you call the shots,’ added Vincent in resignation. Kaz frowned slightly and folded his arms, tilting his head gently.

‘V, you know it’s not like that,’ replied Kaz. ‘Everyone here knows you’re our best medic. Nobody can match your expertise and your decision making skills are second to none. This is a fantastic opportunity for you.’ Vincent looked at Kaz and pursed his lips. The sincerity in Kaz’s voice only made it harder. He would be with Kaz giving advice over Codec, Kaz explained. It would only be for the riskier missions and even then he would only need to be on hand. 

‘If something goes wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it, it’s likely that you’re the only one who will know what to do. We need you on Codec, V,’ continued Kaz. 'I’m giving you the option to choose because I respect your personal decisions- as your commander and your friend.’ 

Vincent furrowed his brow. This would be so much easier if Kaz wasn’t being so reasonable. As much as he hated to admit it, Kaz was right. It would be in everyone’s interests- Big Boss would be more secure, and Vincent would get the chance to use his skills to their full potential. 

‘And besides,’ added Kaz, his tone lighter but still genuine, ‘it’d mean we could hang out when Snake doesn’t need us.’

V was already well aware of this. Alone. With Kaz. For hours. Without anyone else to distract them or get in their way. Without Snake watching over their every move. This would be a great idea, if V did not already know that Kaz had made his decision. After all, Kaz looked at Snake in the same way V looked at Kaz. There was no competing with the legend. More importantly to V, no competing with Kaz’s choice. Kaz was his friend and his commander, not a trophy to be fought over. He had to respect that anf put Kaz out of his mind. Being with him would only make that difficult. This was a terrible idea.

‘I mean, I could really do with some company,’ pushed Kaz playfully, noticing that V seemed hesitant. He let out a small laugh and half smiled. ‘I’m near dying with boredom sitting alone at that desk all day…’

V found it exceedingly difficult to repress the smile that was conquering his lips in response. Godammit that kid just had a way of getting under his skin. He lowered his gaze and let his mind wander. They would only be hanging out together, he pondered in his head. It wasn’t like they would be doing anything wrong. Besides, he thought, it was only a crush, right? He could get over it easily if he just put it out of his mind. What’s the worst that could happen? 

Kaz tilted his head and bit his lip, noticing Vincent’s wavering resolve. 

‘So… it’s a yes?’ teased Kaz, leaning forward trying to meet Vincent’s eyes. V looked away.

‘Come on, V... do it for me?’ continued Kaz. His eyes glimmered behind his aviators, brilliant. V never stood a chance. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. 

‘Fine, fine, if it’ll make you stop talking for once!’ Kaz sat up immediately and beamed.

‘Thank you so much, V,’ Kaz all but squealed. ‘You’ve made me so happy you’ve got no idea.’ Vincent began to blush.

‘Quit it!’ laughed Vincent uncontrollably. 

‘Thank you thank you thank you-‘ motored Kaz.

‘Shh-shh-shhh,’ interrupted V, pressing his finger firmly to Kaz’s lips. ‘Stop talking before I change my mind.’

Kaz snickered gently, batting away V's hand. His feathered laugh rang through V’s ears. V couldn’t look away.

‘Ok, fine,’ concluded Kaz, his laughter dying down. He smiled at V, sincerity branding his lips. ‘But honestly, I really owe you one. I really appreciate it.’ 

V met his gaze.

‘Any time,’ he replied.

***  
‘That is a terrible idea, Kaz,’ growled Snake. He huffed as he dumped himself back on the desk, attempting to light a cigar. Kaz, who was leaned back on the window, rubbed his temples in frustration. They had been discussing this for too long.

‘Snake, please, just hear me out.’

‘I don’t want him on Codec with you.’ His voice was firm and absolute.

‘Snake, I don’t understand why you don’t-‘

‘- we don’t need him around on missions, it’s a waste of resources,’ interrupted Snake. ‘I know enough to get by, it’s no big deal.’

‘Snake.’ Kaz glared at Snake over the top of his glasses. Deep irises bore into Snake. He frowned and turned his head to avoid meeting those eyes. ‘Cut the crap, I know that that’s not what this is about. Besides, even if it was, do you really think I’d let your ego get in the way of your own safety?’

Snake hated that tone of Kaz’s voice. That low, authoritative timbre he used when he knew that he was right. Snake felt like a child being scalded. There was no point in trying to lie to Kaz. He was the only person left who saw through the act. 

‘I- I don’t want him to know about…’ Snake trailed off. Kaz nodded understandingly.

‘We don’t have to tell him,’ assured Kaz. ‘And if it’s a problem, we’ll deal with it if and when we come to it. I’d rather have you embarrassed than gone.’

Snake huffed, knowing that Kaz was right. Kaz crossed his arms, lowering his gaze.

‘Look, I know that’s not a satisfying answer, Snake,’ concluded Kaz, ‘and I know this is going to be hard for you.’ His tone remained steady and clear with resolve.  ‘But if it means you’ll come back home to me then it’s just going to have to do.’

Snake looked up at his subcommander. Kaz kept his stare forward, his arms folded decisively. Snake felt his scowl soften.

‘Fine,' he huffed, pouting. He lowered his eyes. 'You know I'm only doing this for you.' 

Kaz nodded knowingly, keeping his arms crossed.

'I know.'

***

'Just pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable,' began Kaz, reaching over V as he sat down to turn on another lamp. Vincent's gaze briefly trailed Kaz's stomach. V shrunk back into his chair and lowered his eyes.

There,' muttered Kaz, as the yellow light spilled onto the wall. 'That should be better.' He gathered a cluttered pile of papers from his desk, clearing some space for Vincent.

'Sorry this place is such a mess. Had a hectic few days,' continued Kaz, idly tidying the space around them. He let out a small laugh. V watched as the corners of his mouth widened wryly. 'I guess I just get too used to being cooped up in here.'

V watched as Kaz fiddled with the dials on the radio, frowning slightly.

'Snake, can you hear me?' More adjustment. V could hear Snake's gravelly base notes pushing through Kaz's headphones.

'Great. I've got V with me. I'm just trying to put this thing on speaker so he can hear you too.' Kaz unplugged his headphones and pushed down on a button in front of him. 

'Ok, can you hear me now?'

'Yep,' replied Snake over Codec. 'I can hear you now.' A pause. 'Good evening, Medic.'

'Good evening, sir,' responded Vincent, nodding his head respectfully out of instinct. Noticing this, Kaz smiled. There was something endearing about Vincent's bouts of professionalism.

'I'll let you get on with the mission, Snake,' concluded Kaz. 'If you need anything, just drop us a call. We'll be here.' Snake grunted affirmatively and with a short click he was gone. Slightly tense, Vincent cast a glance at Kaz who waved his hand dismissively.

'Don't worry, he can't hear you now, it's fine.' Kaz nodded to the radio. 'See that little bulb there?'

'Mhmm?'

'It'll flash red when he can hear you. Otherwise it's just you and me, you can relax.' V breathed a sigh of relief.

'Is he alright?' asked Vincent. Another chuckle from Kaz.

'He's perfectly fine, he's just like that,' replied Kaz. 'Don't worry about it. He shouldn't need us for a while.' Kaz unfurled a map onto the desk before them.

'Let me run you through the details of the mission.'

The room was much smaller than V had anticipated. Ever since MSF had moved to their offshore base, and ever since they were suddenly flooded with funding, everything seemed new and exciting. Kaz's office, however, lacked any grandeur. Dim and down a stairwell set apart from the other rooms on the base, it was immediately isolating. The only natural light available came from a small window at the top of the office. The rest came from candles and haphazardly placed lamps. Piles of paper and files cast long shadows against the off-white walls. 

After fifteen minutes of briefing, a natural silence settled between them as they waited for further instructions from Snake. Kaz turned his attention to some papers that he had pulled from a file. Vincent, hoping to review some reports of his own, found his attention turning to Kaz.

Lost in his work, Kaz's face softened as the glow of the lamps pooled over his cheekbones. Vincent wasn't sure whether it was the gloomy lighting or exhaustion that caused dark bags, only just visible beneath Kaz's glasses, to form beneath Kaz's eyes. Vincent hadn't seen much of Kaz since they had moved to this base. When he did see Kaz he was usually too busy flirting with everyone to seem anything but lively. It never occurred to Vincent that Kaz spent most of his time working and alone.

His profile remained sharp against he hazy light, his lips pursed slightly in concentration. Confined in his office, Kaz looked deconstructed. His jacket was draped idly over the back of his chair, and his usual yellow scarf had been flung carelessly onto the sofa. The top few buttons on his shirt were undone, revealing an elegant neck that was usually hidden away. 

This was Kaz; a hidden side to him that Vincent had never seen in person, but somehow always sensed and admired.

Vincent watched as Kaz furrowed his brows in focus. He stared.

'How's it going?' asked Kaz casually, not taking his eyes off of his work. V jumped slightly in his chair, startled.

'Uh- fine,' he replied, slightly too quickly to be believable. 'Just fine, thanks.' He turned his head forward sharply and down to his own reports. 

This was a terrible idea.

***

After a few more missions, V became visibly more relaxed on Codec. The more time he spent with Kaz, the more he became familiar with Kaz's oddly endearing habits. He mouthed to himself whenever he was doing a complicated calculation in his head, pointing his pencil gently into the desk as he figured out each step. Strands of his hair would fall gradually until his perfectly coiffed hair draped his face in its natural wave. If anyone knocked on the door, Kaz would open a cupboard door to reveal a mirror where, with one swift brush of his hand, he would fix his hair before going to the door. Whenever Kaz had finished most of his paperwork, or-as was more likely- when he had gotten tired of paperwork, he would lie back on his sofa and reel through as many crosswords as he could fit in before Snake called.

Working closely with Big Boss was difficult. From their last encounter after the MSF party, Vincent knew that Snake was suspicious of him. From his short responses over Codec, Vincent figured that Snake was not happy with him working so closely with Kaz. If Snake was jealous, Vincent did not understand. It was abundantly clear to that Kaz was endlessly devoted to Snake. Even if V was trying to do anything with Kaz, he knew he never stood a chance.

Having Kaz with him made Big Boss's attitude slightly more bearable. Whenever Snake would begin to try and undermine V, or lecture him about why he was wrong, Kaz would pull faces at V and hold his finger on the mute button so that V's uncontrollable laughter could not be heard. With Kaz by his side and rooting for him, it was hard to be scared of Big Boss. With Kaz by his side, it was hard to be scared of anything. He came to treasure his time on Codec with Kaz. Unfortunately for V, the more their friendship developed, the more his infatuation grew. The more he got to know about Kaz, the more he admired him. He found himself wanting to learn more and more about the personality behind the aviators. 

This whole thing was a terrible idea.

***  
'Secure that tightly enough the prisoner and send her over immediately. Once she's here I'll get the medical team to do the rest,' stated Vincent resolutely.

'I don't think we have to-'

'Boss,' interrupted Vincent hastily, 'we don't have time to argue about this. You won't be able to help her quickly enough. She needs to get out of there and to the med bay as soon as possible. Get her stable and send her here _now_.'

Vincent and Kaz could hear Snake huff as he reluctantly followed V's instructions. Within seconds they heard the whoosh of the fulton ascending before Snake spoke over the radio.

'OK she's on her way, we're done.'

Both Kaz and Vincent's eyes widened in shock and joy. The mission was a success. Against all odds , the prisoner had been extracted. Both men were ecstatic. Kaz let out a huge grin and clenched his fists and smiling at V. V smiled uncontrollably in return. Kaz turned to the radio.

'Amazing work, Snake, I can't believe you did it,' Kaz all but squealed. 'That was incredible, I don't know how you pulled it off.' Snake chuckled.

'Couldn't have done it without you and the medic,' he replied, leaving a pause. Vincent's eyes widened. 

'I think I'll stay and do a bit more recon. I'll let you know when I'm on my way back.' Kaz's grin remained plastered on his face.

'Ok, Snake, just let me know if you need anything,' concluded Kaz as Snake hung up. Kaz turned to V.

'We did it, Vincent, we fucking did it!' he squealed. 'Thank you, thank you so much for your help, we couldn't have done it without you.' Vincent blinked, his face stony as the ecstasy drained from his face. 

'V are you ok?' asked Kaz, concerned. V blinked again.

'I interrupted Snake,' said Vincent blankly in panic.

'What?'

'Just then, I interrupted Snake,' he repeated. He blinked again. 'Fuck, I interrupted him, I cut him off, I told him he was wrong, I-'

'Hey, V,' began Kaz, placing a hand on Vincent's shoulder. 'Breathe. It's OK, he won't care.' V looked at Kaz with mild disbelief. 

'He probably didn't even notice. You've got to make quick decisions on the field, V. So what, you disagreed with him. You're the medical expert, not him; that's why we have you around. Trust me, you did the right thing.' He let go of Vincent's shoulder and sat back in his chair, pursing his lips.

'Look, I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but,' continued Kaz, 'but he is a good person. There's a lot to him that you'll never see, that I guess nobody will see. You've just got to believe me when I tell you, deep down, he's got a good heart. He might be difficult sometimes, but he knows you made the right call. Trust me.'

V looked at Kaz. He would be lying if he said that he believed that there was any good in Snake. But talking with Kaz- the sincerity in his voice, the conviction of his beliefs- V couldn't help but believe Kaz. All Kaz ever had to do was ask V to trust him and he would. V never stood a chance.

'Ok, if you say so.'

They remained silent for a moment.

'Anyway,' started V, eager to change the subject. 'We should be celebrating a mission well done.' He reached into his pocket and produced a small nondescript hip flask. He pointed it at Kaz and shook it enticingly. Kaz raised his eyebrows.

'Drinking on the job? How rebellious,' commented Kaz. He shook his head, 'you go ahead, I'll wait for Snake.' Vincent let out a mischievous grin.

'Come on,' he whined playfully. 'Snake's still out doing basic recon, he's not going to be back for a while. Besides, who wants to celebrate with their boss?'

'Hey, I'm your boss too, technically!' retorted Kaz in mock offence.

'Yeah but you're fun,' quipped Vincent. 'It'll be just like the old times, before everyone got so busy.' Kaz's smile softened.

'I must admit, it has been a while,' he replied. V spotted the wavering resistance in his voice.

'If it's any help,' continued V, 'it's a mystery drink given to me by the mother of a local civvie who I helped. I have no idea what it is but the smell alone could put you to sleep.' He paused.

'Besides, Snake won't be back for quite a while... we'll sober up before he gets back. I promise.' He looked at Kaz and smiled innocently. Kaz rolled his eyes and slumped back into his chair.

'Ok fine,' he relented. 'I'll have a shot- but only if you do one with me.' V threw his hands up in mock horror.

'Come on, as if I wouldn't be doing shots by your side.' Kaz pulled out a couple of shot glasses from a drawer in his desk and threw one towards V.

'Here's to you, V.'

'Here's to you, Commander Miller.'

***  
Within fifteen minutes both men were giggling. V was doubled over, his forehead resting on his knees whilst Kaz was sprawled on the floor, his long limbs jutting inelegantly having fallen off of his chair. 

'Bloody hell,' snickered V, 'I forgot how much of a lightweight you are.'

'No, no!' whined Kaz. 'I'm perfectly fine, j-just let me-' Kaz attempted to coordinate his limbs and stand upright. He placed his hand and his weight on the arm of the chair, toppling over again with a harsh thud. V cackled, beginning to reach out and help Kaz up when he heard Snake's voice on the radio.

'Kaz, it's me. Are you still there, babe?' Kaz flailed his arms towards the table. V pressed down on the button on the radio. The bulb flashed red.

'Sir, it's me, Vincent,' began V nervously. 'Is everything alright?'

'What are you doing there?' replied Snake sharply. V's eyes widened as he tried to think of a convincing lie.

'We're just-' he stuttered. 'Just going through some medical reports. Isn't that right, Ka-Commander?' 

Kaz gave V a thumbs up from on the floor. V clenched his fists in frustration.

'Right,' said Snake flatly. 'I'm on my way back, I forgot to tell you when I left. I'll be back in 10 minutes. See you then, Medic.'

V's heart was racing. Any interaction with Big Boss was immediately sobering. Unfortunately the same could not be said for Kaz.

'Snake,' he called lethargically from the floor, flopping his head to his side.

'Kaz, he gone, he can't hear you.'

'Snaaaaaaake,' Kaz repeated.

'For fuck's sake,' muttered V under his breath. He began to search the office for some water to give Kaz. 'Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.'

'I like hanging out with you, V,' mused Kaz from the floor. 'I'm sorry I've been so busy.' 

'Don't worry about it, Kaz,' replied V without pausing, 'let's just work on getting you more sober.'

'You're a friend,' continued Kaz. 'I really appreciate having you around.'

'That's nice,' said V dismissively as he began to hoist up Kaz. 

'No, you don't understand' said Kaz persistently. Kaz's head lulled over V's shoulder. 'I don't have any friends.'

'Don't be silly, everyone here loves you.' V propped Kaz upright opposite him. Kaz placed his hands firmly on V's shoulders. 

'Then, then why do I feel so alone?' slurred Kaz under his breath. 

'Uhhh, Kaz?' questioned V, alarmed at Kaz's sudden change of tone.

'I'm stuck here, aren't I?' continued Kaz, his voice beginning to break. 'In this office, on this base, in this-this-' He staggered back until the back of his thighs hit the table with a blunt thud. He placed his hands on the edge of the desk, clutching at the splintered wood as he leaned his head forward and gasped for air.

'Fuck, what am I- what am I even doing here?' he stuttered, staring blankly ahead. 'I- I'm trapped aren't I? There's no way out, is there?' A pause.

'I-Uh,' began V, unable to think up anything in response.

'Who am I kidding, V? What if I never get out?' He let out a long sigh. 'I'm so fucking lonely. I'm so- I'm so alone.' 

V leaned beside Kaz, propping himself up on the desk.

'I-' began V hesitantly. 'I don't know where this is coming from, Kaz. And I don't know why you're telling me this now, but...' V lowered eyes. 'You're not alone. As long as I'm around, you'll always have a friend.' He sighed.

'I don't know if that's worth anything, or whether it'll make you feel any different, but...' V felt his hand creeping towards Kaz's instinctively. Instead, he clenched his fist. 'You're not alone.' V avoided looking at the man beside him. They sat together in silence.

'You should go,' sighed V. 'Snake will be here any minute.' Kaz blinked as a small smile began to creep on his face.

'Thanks, V,' muttered Kaz under his breath. 'You're a true friend.'

'Go see Snake, Kaz,' repeated V. 'I'm sure he'd like to see you. I'll come follow in a moment.' Kaz nodded reluctantly and paced towards the door, his gait still unsteady from his alcohol. V followed at a slower pace. He closed the office door behind them.

The bulb on the radio flashed red.

***  
When Snake arrived, Kaz could not help but beam with joy. Whatever thoughts had haunted his mind before drained away the moment he set eyes on the silhouette of his lover against the starlight. He lunged forward instinctively.

'Snake,' he began, reaching out. Stony faced, Snake's eye darted past Kaz's shoulder and straight to Vincent. 

'Snake?' 

Wordlessly Snake drove his hand over Kaz's waist and onto the small of his back, pulling him in close. Snake all but pressed his lips against Kaz's ear. He kept his gaze focused squarely on V.

'I want to thank the medic personally for his help,' he muttered to Kaz under his breath. 'Go to my room and wait for me there, babe. I promise I won't keep you waiting.' Kaz nodded affirmatively and walked off to Snake's quarters. Snake strode resolutely towards Vincent.

'Good evening, Medic.'

'Good evening, Sir,' replied V, keeping his eyes lowered in deference. 

'Thank you for your help, today,' said Snake flatly.

'Sir?' 

'You like being on Codec with your commander, don't you?' Snake's voice was low.

'Sir, I don't under-'

'-just answer the question, Vincent.'

'Sir, I-'

'A long time, alone, in his office, just you and him.' Vincent remained silent, refusing to stoop to Snake's pointed implications.

'He can be quite charming, can't he? Handsome, even.' V made no reply. Snake leaned in close to Vincent, grabbing his collar firmly.

'You know,' growled Snake. 'It's funny how every time I see you two alone you've gotten him drunk.' Snake's breath burned against V's skin. 'He's vulnerable, Vincent. You and I both know that. If you do anything, _anything_ , to take advantage of him I will kill you.' He let go of Vincent, who staggered backwards, released from Snake's grasp. 

V blinked. 

Snake walked off.

***  
Kaz pressed his face languidly into the pillow. His limbs ached. His head was spinning. A dark silhouette loomed over him silently, watching.

Snake always thought that Kaz looked especially fragile in the dark evening light. Something about the silvery moonlight made him seem pale, his sun-kissed face gaunt, contoured by the shadows that closed in on his cheekbones. Kaz's glasses jutted awkwardly on his face. He had fallen asleep with them still on. He must have been very tired.   
Huddled inwards on Snake's bed, Kaz looked delicate, almost infantile. Snake wasn't sure whether he wanted to bundle up his lover in his arms or crush him in his hands. Snake's hand hovered over the side of Kaz's neck. In a half dream state, Kaz turned his head and jolted awake at Snake's touch.

'Oh God!' he cried out, tensing up and instinctively backing into the headboard. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to his dark surroundings.

'Fuck, Snake, sorry,' he mumbled. 'You really gave me a fright, sorry.' Kaz's eyes focused on Snake's face. Something didn't seem right. He looked at Kaz almost mournfully.

'Snake are you alright?' Snake climbed on the bed and crawled towards Kaz, slowly trapping Kaz between him and the wall. He remained silent.

'Snake?'

Snake brought a gentle hand to the side of Kaz's head. He feathered his fingertips through the soft curls of Kaz's hair, lingering momentarily over the edge of Kaz's jaw before suddenly pulling at the front of Kaz's shirt and dragging him into a violent, crushing kiss. His power was tempestuous, driving his body over Kaz's with brute force. He threw Kaz back into the wall, pinning him back vehemently with his lips. The back of Kaz's head hit the concrete of the wall with a weighty thud. He let out a pained groan, but was too swept up in Snake's gravity to stop kissing him back.

Snake furthered his advance. He straddled Kaz, pressing his weight onto Kaz's hips and tore at his clothes. He ran his hand over Kaz's chest, tangling his fingers in the fabric of Kaz's scarf yanking it firmly, heaving it tighter and tighter and tighter. Kaz's screams were muffled between Snake's lips. Snake pulled harder. Kaz's attempts at pushing Snake away grew weaker. His cries died out to a whimper. He felt his head begin to drop to its side when suddenly Snake released his grip.

Kaz immediately doubled over onto the bed, heaving as a rush of air invaded his lungs. Kaz lay on his side, speechless: too drunk, exhausted and confused to even begin confronting Snake about what had just occurred.

Snake lay down beside Kaz, wrapping his arm around his lover and bundling him closer.

'Nobody understands me like you do, Kaz.' He stroked the small of Kaz's back tenderly. Snake stared ahead at the ceiling.

'I mean, how could anyone understand us? They don't know what we've been through, they don't know what it's like.'

He held Kaz closer. Half knocked out from asphyxiation, Kaz rested his head on Snake's chest.

'Nobody understands us, Kaz. Nobody will ever understand us. It's just you and me. You and me against all of those bastards out there who hurt us. And all of those bastards who think they know who we are, who think they know the pain we share. They think they can try and be your friend, they think they can try and change you and make things better. The bastards, they don't know shit.'

'But here, with you, in this moment. I know that we don't need them. We don't need any of them. All we need is each other. All I need is you.' A pause.

'God, I need you, Kaz. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking otherwise. Don't you ever think that you're anything less than my entire world. If you ever left me, I don't know what I would do. I'd be so fucking lost.'

He tightened his grip on Kaz. Kaz wilted in his arms, drained.

'I love you, Kazuhira. Don't you dare even think about leaving me.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes, sorry this update took so long. I'm so out of practice with writing so my apologies for the sloppiness of this chapter too: figured it'd be better to post something, even if it was a bit rough, rather than nothing at all.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, I'd love to know what you think. Feel free to drop a comment below or say hi on tumblr at:
> 
> http://cryingoverkaz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


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